Red and Blue
by AnnaShepard
Summary: A dramedy drama/comedy  story about the blossoming relationship between Shepard and Garrus. Rated M for profanity and perhaps offensive humor.
1. Chapter 1: Bad Company

**Author Notes:**

This contains Mature content because of swears. If your looking for pronz that's what LiveJournal is for.

This is a Mass Effect fan fiction Centered around Shepard and Garrus. (F!Shepard/Garrus pairing) The first half of every chapter will be from my Shepard's point of view, the second half will be from Garrus's Point of view... It will contain:

Comedy  
>Drama<br>Fluff  
>Romance<br>Angst

I may make sexually explicit parts but they will be separate.

Also at the beginning of each chapter there will be brief flashbacks from Shepard's past.

I intend to take this story all the way to the ending of the Arrival DLC and then wait for 3 to come out to finish it.

I'm not good with titles so I'm naming chapters after songs on my playlist because I'm lame like that.

Mass Effect and all it's sequels, characters and content (c) Bioware and EA

If you see any errors tell me.

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><p><strong>Chapter I: Bad Company<strong>

"_Annie can you cut the peppers for me?" _

_Her mother offers her a kitchen knife. _

"_Fine… but only because I don't have too much homework tonight" She grumbles, taking the knife and waving it._

_She moves to the kitchen counter and grabs a pepper, slicing it awkwardly. _

"_Annie that's not how you hold the knife when you cut." Her mother scoffs. "Press the tip of the knife down first."_

"_Why does it matter? It's all going to the same place!" She protests. "You should be happy I'm helping at al-"_

"_Shh!" Her mother interrupts, frozen in place, listening._

_She hears it too. Alarms in town, wailing an emergency call to all the members of the colony. They steadily get louder and louder. _

"_What the hell is that for?" She grunts, looking out the window. She gazes in the direction of the town and her breath leaves her chest as plumes of black smoke begin rising in the distance. Something explodes… then something else… _

"_Annie get in your closet in your room and lock the door…" Her mother orders. Her voice is low and quivering. _

"_But Mom!"_

"_Do what I say Anna Rose!"_

"_Allison is still playing outside!"_

"_Your Dad and I will take care of it! Go hide! Lock your closet door and do not open it for ANYBODY!"_

"_Mom-"_

"_NOW ANNA!" _

_She runs into her room and dives into her closet, the door slides shut behind her. She still has the kitchen knife in her hand.  
><em>

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><p>"<em>This mission just got a lot more complicated."<br>_

_Complicated? Complicated? If that wasn't the understatement of the century… _Shepard thought to herself as she ducked behind a large slab of unearthed stone, waiting for her assault rifle to cool.

_Complicated is a way of explaining a difficult relationship to your dimwitted mother. Complicated is coming home to find your cat spread all your data pads from work all over the apartment and shat on a few of them. Complicated is the amount of firing algorithms in-_

"Shepard!"

At the desperate cry of Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko, Shepard snapped out of thinking up creative metaphors to illustrate how horribly uninformed the Captain, and the rest of crew of the SSV Normandy really was.

_No… no, no. This mission is way beyond fucking complicated. First the Geth, then…_

She eyed the monstrosity lumbering towards her. A creature, once human, covered from head to foot in wires and tubes glowing with blue lights. What skin was left showing was a sickly grey, a clear indication that these things were merely reanimated corpses. It was closing in on her. They clearly lacked the intelligence to carry weapons or even take cover. All they were able to do, it seemed, was run clumsily up to their targets and smack them with unnatural force, while emitting bizarre electrical charges. Those smacks hurt.

Shepard's rifle was cool again and she pulled the trigger, aiming for the creature's legs. Bullets didn't seem to hurt them but they couldn't hurt her if they couldn't move. Her technique worked better than she had imagined it would. Once filled with numerous assault rifle slugs, the leg did not become crippled so much as explode into chunks of blue-grey meat. The creature toppled over helplessly and, with a low groan, it fell still. _If only every enemy was that easy to subdue… _

"Shoot them in the legs!" Shepard barked to her two teammates who were being backed into a corner by three more moaning, gurgling husks.

Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams responded first, removing both the legs from the husk in front of her with a single shotgun blast. Kaiden, on the other hand, used a biotic push attack that sent the other two hurtling backwards. He then picked the legs off quickly with his pistol. He holstered it, panting, and wiped his forehead. Shepard shot the last husk lumbering towards her and walked over to rejoin her teammates.

"Well now we know what those spikes are for: Turning our own dead against us..." Kaiden said grimly, approaching a three-legged stand with a retracted spike from which the husks had been released.

"It must take a few hours for the spikes to turn people into husks." Ashley added, examining the device as well.

"…So hours after the attack is finished, the rescue crews get a pleasant welcome from these walking wired corpses that used to be the very people they came here to save…" Shepard mused, looking around the ruined camp. Eden Prime was a beautiful planet but this colony had been torn to shreds; first by excavation, and then by the Geth. The sudden quiet, however, was making her feel uneasy.

_As if slaughtering everyone in the colony wasn't enough they have to add one final "fuck you!" to the rescue crews in the form of electrified retard happy-slaps._

"I think _we're_ the rescue crew, Commander." Kaiden stated. He was clearly nervous about speaking out to her, avoiding eye-contact.

"Then I guess we'll have to kill all these things before the clean-up crew arrives, won't we?" Shepard quipped, sarcastically.

Her eyes caught Kaiden and Ashley exchanging looks, probably off-put by the Commander's tasteless remarks. She chose to ignore them.

They made their way around the camp quickly, digging through rubble to retrieve useful information, weapons and/or parts to upgrade the weapons they already had. The trio managed to locate two surviving scientists hiding in a locked shed. After questioning the woman scientist (The male scientist apparently having a mental breakdown of some sort, causing him to be unresponsive to questioning and spouting babble about the end of humanity and so on) Shepard and her team walked up the hill exiting the camp.

The path from the camp was a narrowly-dug passage up the hill and according to the radio reports from Nihlus, who had run ahead of them; the spaceport (where the ancient Prothean relic Shepard and her crew were tasked to retrieve In the first place had been moved; According to the lady scientist) was just beyond the crest.

_Actually I haven't heard any updates from our Turian comrade in a while… He is a Spectre; the best of the best, the right hand of the galactic Council! Surely he isn't in any real danger right? He could take on the Geth by himself, he knew he could or he wouldn't have gone ahead alone. …Come to think of it… how the hell is he supposed to evaluate me if he isn't even going to stay back and see me in action? Seriously! This mission isn't really going as planned but he should at least have the bird-brains to-_

The eerie silence was suddenly broken by the crack of a single gunshot being fired in the distance. Shepard's heart stopped.

…_That can't be good…._

"Look! Off in the distance!" Kaiden shouted as they reached the top of the hill.

Shepard saw what Kaiden was referring to. It was kind of hard to miss. At first she thought it was closer than he said but as she eyed it more carefully her jaw dropped. It _was_ in the distance, but it was so enormous it was extremely clear to the naked eye.

_ Holy fucknuts… !_

"It's a ship!" Ashley exclaimed in awe. "Look at the size of it!"

A deafening roar suddenly assailed their ears as the massive ship's engines flared to life. It began to rise into the air and the engines began emitting noises that were alien to any engine noises Shepard had heard before. It made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. The screeching roar that followed made her feel like she had just swallowed a massive chunk of ice.

The ship itself was built something like an insect; it even had numerous leg-like appendages that seemed completely unnecessary for a spacecraft. It was so massive that, ironically, it made the Normandy look like an insect in comparison. It was built with such detail and every inch of it was pure black steel. Such articulate construction in such a massive scale must have taken decades to build… centuries even… she had never seen anything like it before.

As it disappeared into the sky Shepard had almost completely forgotten where she was and what she was doing. That ship gave her a bad feeling… a very bad feeling. It took the sound of a slug whizzing by her ear to snap her back to reality. It was fired by a Geth at the base of the hill before her. A group of the mysterious cyborgs had taken notice of Shepard, Ashley and Kaiden and opened fire while Shepard was busy staring at the ship taking off. The Geth were a race of machines that had apparently been living beyond the Perseus Vale for centuries and had never even been seen beyond it for three hundred years. They fit the description of Geth that Shepard had read in data files years ago and due to the repression of sentient AI by galactic law there was no other explanation for what these things could be.

_It could also explain why I have never seen that ship before…_

Shepard dove for cover and readied her sniper rifle. She crouched and peered over the rock she had taken refuge behind, perching the rifle on top of it. She fired a few shots and the group of Geth fell one by one, each taking a bullet in the head. Meanwhile more husks had started approaching them from another set of giant spikes at the entrance of the spaceport ahead. Shepard let Ashley and Kaiden take care of them while she finished off the remaining Geth in the vicinity. When the shooting ceased they walked down the hill, finding another group of survivors hiding in a nearby shed on the way.

These people were just farmers. They gave interesting information about the attack and the mysterious giant ship. Apparently it had emitted a jamming signal upon its descent onto the planet. That explained the distress call cutting off in the middle of recording. Shepard, Captain Anderson and Nihlus had viewed it back on the Normandy.

_One of the last things I saw in the distress call was the legs of that massive ship! It gave me the creeps even then._

They walked into the space port, Kaiden ahead of them slightly but he stopped dead in his tracks when he reached a body lying on the floor.

"Commander… It's Nihlus…"

Shepard's heart fell. She had hoped the corpse they had seen from afar was just another civilian casualty, but up close his armor and shape made him unmistakable. The Turian Spectre had been killed, his blue blood was spilled on the floor beneath him. His head was turned to the side, most likely because his fringe wouldn't allow it to land on the floor facing up. Due to this position Shepard could clearly see the single bullet hole in the back of his head.

"A Turian? You know him?" Ashley asked. The level of curiosity in her voice was almost outweighed by disgust. Shepard nodded, not bothering to look at Ashley's expression.

_Great… I finally find a competent Soldier here and she's a goddamn Xenophobe…_

She instantly made herself feel bad. When they landed on this colony it didn't take five minutes before one of her men, Corporal Richard Jenkins, was shot and killed by recon drones. Thinking of him as incompetent wasn't fair. It was her fault for sending him into their line of fire. She and Kaiden picked up Ashley a few minutes later, helping her take out some Geth that were chasing her. She was a good soldier but clearly she was uncomfortable with aliens.

Shepard knelt down and placed her hand on Nihlus's head. His eyes were still wide open, his brow-plates elevated in surprise. Obviously the shot had taken him off-guard.

"This shot was at a close range…" Shepard murmured, examining the wound on the back of his head. There were burn marks on it that suggested the bullet was still hot when it pierced his skin "No way he let a Geth come this close…"

She sighed stood up. She liked Nihlus. She had never really seen or talked to Turians much. She was slightly intimidated by their tall, slender and bony forms and natural armor-like carapaces that covered their faces and probably many places on their bodies too. The parts that were not armored reminded Shepard of Lizard skin. In fact, the way Turian heads and necks were shaped reminded Shepard of Velociraptors. Their large, sharp teeth added to that effect (and their intimidation of her). Their talon-like fingers and other features (such as their fringes) also suggested avian ancestry although they didn't possess any feathers to show for it.

Someone had once told her that the metallic exoskeletons were an evolutionary result of their home planet, Palaven, being naturally exposed to more solar radiation than planets like Earth. This, however, did not make them invulnerable. Their carapaces were softer than they appeared and were more like thick skin than actual metal. They even had nerves in them, she heard. Not much, but still able to feel; like teeth.

Nihlus was the first Turian she had ever even held a conversation with. He had a dark carapace and his face was painted with patterns in white, an indication of the colony he was raised in. He also had vibrant, piercing green eyes that put Shepard's own pair of emeralds to shame. She caught herself staring at those eyes a lot when he wasn't paying attention.

_I didn't think that shade of green could even be considered a natural occurrence. _

He was polite… and seemed to think that, despite being an extremely unlucky woman , Shepard had the skills and know-how to become a Spectre like him. Humans and Turians had a bit of a _past_ too so the fact that one would want a human in the Spectres was a great show of character. A lot of Turians were still spiteful to humans for the First Contact War. Nihlus, however, was planning on even mentoring her once he got a feel for how she worked in combat situations. He, however, underestimated just how unlucky of a person Shepard really was.

_Now my chance at being at Spectre has been completely tossed out the window…_

"Damn it… The Council is not going to be happy about this…"

"He's a Spectre" Said Kaiden, filling Ashley in on the details "He was with us on the Norm-"

"Something's moving! Over behind those crates!" Ashley said hurriedly, interrupting Kaiden.

Shepard quickly pulled her pistol and pointed it in the direction Ashley was referring to. A man jumped up from behind the crates with his hands in the air.

"Wait! Don't- Don't shoot! I'm one of you! I'm human!"

"Sneaking up on us like that nearly got you killed!" Shepard snapped. She lowered her weapon and approached the man. He was clearly a dock worker and looked rather traumatized.

"I-I'm sorry… I was hiding… from those creatures…" The man said nervously, looking around to see if they were really alone. "My name is Powell… I saw what happened to that Turian… the other one shot him…"

Shepard calmed a bit but was still intent on getting information.

"I need to know the details Powell…" She said in a softer, but still assertive, tone.

"The other one got here first… he was waiting when your friend showed up… He called him Saren. I think they knew each other." Powell stared at the floor as he spoke, clearly still in a bit of shock. "Your friend seemed to relax. He let his guard down, and Saren killed him... Shot him right in the back…I'm just lucky he didn't see me behind these crates…"

Shepard sighed and massaged her forehead.

_Yep… This was definitely way beyond complicated…_

* * *

><p><em>Twelve hours? Twelve freaking hours? That's all the time I have to come up with evidence against Saren? Not just a Spectre but the council's pet Spectre! There is no way I'm getting my claws on any good information in just twelve hours! <em>

Garrus Vakarian was utterly flabbergasted. His superiors had come to him with this high profile case, one that had the words "promotion" written all over it… Of course he agreed. Maybe THIS promotion would finally let him cut through all the damn regulations and paperwork…

…But then they come out and say he has literally half a day to find something incriminating on a Spectre… a SPECTRE! Someone whose records are sealed and whose very trips to the damn washroom are classified! This was all a ploy; a political stunt that he knew was expected to fail. The council asked C-Sec to look into it because they wanted it to look like they gave a shit about the massacre at Eden Prime. In reality, though, if they really thought Saren needed to be investigated they would have another Spectre do it; someone who could actually access information on him.

Garrus wanted to do this though. He did not like Saren. Saren was supposed to be an example to their people, a hero to Turians, someone they should look up to. Instead he was openly abusive of his power and not at all discreet about his unnatural hatred for humans. Yes, there was tension between the two races since the First Contact War but Saren was one of those veterans that could not let go of the past, and thus ensuring absolutely zero progress for the future.

Garrus thought the problems between humans and Turians were almost laughable. The two races were stubborn, hot-headed and combative. They had more in common than they realized and friendliness towards the humans often rewarded Garrus with friendliness in return. He even heard about both races getting together to build a state-of-the art stealth combat spaceship: The SSV Normandy. If there was any proof that Humans and Turians could achieve great things if they worked together, that ship was it.

Ironically it was that very ship that had come up in the file in his case against Saren. The Normandy was heading to Eden Prime to make a covert pickup of a Prothean Beacon. Though the ship had a human crew they were accompanied by another Turian Spectre called Nihlus. He was there to both make sure the beacon was securely extracted and to observe Commander Shepard, a possible candidate to become the first human Spectre. They ended up stumbling into the middle of a Geth attack on the colony. The ship's captain: David Anderson ordered Commander Shepard to take a ground team around the colony and look for the beacon. Nihlus joined them but went ahead on his own, feeding Shepard information as he went along.

Unfortunately the shit hit the fan not long after they went groundside. Nihlus ended up dead, the beacon was destroyed, one of Shepard's men was killed and she was claiming from the testimony of a survivor in the spaceport that the entire thing was caused by Saren. He was working with the Geth to attack human colonies and ultimately rid the galaxy of them… or at least that's what the human embassy was now claiming.

To Garrus, the dockworker's testimony seemed good enough. He was an eyewitness to Saren murdering Nihlus in cold blood. But for some reason the council didn't think that was substantial evidence. Now Garrus was supposed to dig up something better than an eyewitness? He had no doubt that Shepard was correct. Not only did the Alliance Marine have a spotless record in terms of integrity and honesty, but this also seemed very much like something Saren would actually do.

Garrus had seen Saren face-to-face several times in his years working for C-Sec… and each time he seemed to have done more and more cybernetic augmentation to himself. He was the youngest Turian to be made a Spectre why the hell would he need augmentations? It seemed like he was obsessed with making himself more and more powerful, to the point where even his own eyes were no longer Turian. His most recent personnel file photo gave Garrus the creeps. Half of his body was now in the form of some kind of cybernetics… and Garrus swore that is left arm was not even a Turian arm anymore… it looked more like a… _Geth_ arm. (He based this on some old photos and renditions he had pulled up when looking up the Geth for this case) Of course that wouldn't be sufficient proof… Garrus would have to bring in the Geth that had its arm missing and make it testify that it gave its arm to Saren to make a legitimate case…

_Nope…not happening._

Saren had even augmented his jaw and mandibles with metal fittings… What the hell was he trying to prove with that? It was as if he was giving up his Turian heritage that he had so much pride in and was literally turning himself into a machine… and that made Garrus uneasy.

He had always been told that barefaced Turians were never trustworthy. That was not a prejudice within his people it was a cold-hard fact. Face markings showed other Turians who you were, and where you came from. Turians with no markings had something to hide, something _big_. Of course, Garrus had always tried to give barefaces the benefit of the doubt like every other person he investigated in his job but more often than not they were guilty. Garrus had even thought that Saren could be an example that not all barefaces were bad… but when this kind of accusation pops up about him out of the blue… it means something… and it would be a lie if Garrus said he was surprised to hear it.

Garrus leaned back in his desk chair and picked up the data pad containing Commander Shepard's personnel file and her report of what happened on Eden Prime, looking it over again. He found her file picture amusing. She was clearly a rare breed of human… although from what he had seen humans tended to be very unique. To him, no two humans looked even remotely the same, but they did have similarities like skin tone and hair and eye color. Her skin was very pale and it was adorned with numerous tiny brown dots… he had never met a human with such light skin… he had seen the dots before but not often… She had a scar down her cheek and one on her mouth cutting through her naturally dark pink lips. Her hair was short and red… a vibrant red, almost orange. It was also very unkempt and stuck out all over the place. When he was little he remembered thinking that humans wore dead animals on their heads… her hair reminded him of why he thought that… Her eyes were green and large… in the picture they looked almost like they were bugging out of her head, he could see white all around her pupils… not many humans could open their eyes that wide. He believed humans called those "crazy-eyes." He chuckled out loud thinking about that.

While scanning her file he noted that under next of kin there was a N/A, meaning not applicable or not available… she had NO family? She also was the sole survivor of a thresher maw attack on Akuze that killed 49 other marines in her unit…

_Wow… No wonder Nihlus wanted to make her a Spectre… I don't think I know anyone who survived a thresher maw attack on foot, let alone multiple thresher maws at once… not to mention the fact that the rest of the unit didn't survive… _

That wasn't luck; there is no amount of luck in the world that helps someone to survive that kind of an attack… Shepard must have been extremely skilled at survival in a horrible deadly combat situation, against an enemy that dangerous. Not only were thresher maws enormous worm-like insects, they had thick carapaces that were nearly impossible to penetrate with standard grade bullets… They were also mindless, killing machines, they didn't care if they got hurt or died, which made them very VERY dangerous. Even their acid spit was corrosive enough to melt a Turians face off… Garrus shuddered even thinking about it.

Threshers could survive with even very little atmosphere, in fact… they fed on solar radiation so the less atmosphere, the better. They reproduced with spores that carry across the galaxy and can survive in space as well as atmospheric re-entry. They burrowed underground most of their lives but if they felt threatened in any way… like if something happened to approach their nest… they would rip whatever it was to pieces.

They also were very sensitive to sound waves that carried better through the ground… they would be able to hear a human walking fifty feet above them. Their one weakness was that they could not burrow through solid rock. They would have to go around a massive slab of bedrock in order to reach the other side… although, since they could move underground at such high speeds, that hardly mattered. They also avoided forests. Despite having immense strength, they could get caught and tangled in large tree roots and die of starvation; another reason why they weren't normally found on planets with thick atmospheres.

Garrus sat up and looked at the pile of data files and papers on his desk

_Great… I complain about not having enough time to even complete this case and then I just sit here for ten minutes thinking about thresher maws… If my father were in here he would smack me for being such a lazy moron._

There was no way he was getting anywhere in this case… He looked at the clock. He had to meet Commander Shepard and Captain Anderson along with Executor Pallin (the head of C-Sec) and present his findings in a half hour… he had nothing. He needed more time… He decided that he would run up to the council chambers early and ask Pallin for more time to find something.

_Fat chance…_

Pallin was also not a fan of humans either… He would just want the whole case closed and forgotten so the humans would shut up. But Garrus couldn't accomplish anything here… if he asked at least he could say he tried…

_Ugh… I hate saying that… No one who has ever made any kind of a difference in history has ever said: "At least I tried."_

He jumped up and quickly scanned the data from all the files onto his Omni-tool. Then he charged out of his office and out into the wards, heading straight for the presidium and the citadel tower. He was going to finish this case one way or another…


	2. Chapter 2: Criminal

**Authors Notes:**

Moar Fluff~! and some actual action...

Don't worry the story will start making progress soon...**  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Criminal<strong>

_Silence. Her own breathing is all she hears. She grips the kitchen knife, refusing to put it down, refusing to move. The closet smells like dust… and peppers… the knife smells like peppers…She wishes she could stop breathing, it sounds so loud to her… whatever she was hiding from would surely find her from her loud breathing… _

_How much time has passed? Five minutes? Ten? Where were her parents? Did they run? Did they find Allison? Are they okay?_

_Sounds. The front door hissing open. Shouts. She can't hear what exactly is being said. _

_*BANG*_

_Screaming. Her mother is screaming. Allison is screaming. She holds her hands up to her ears, the steel from the knife is cold on her cheek… Maybe if she can't hear it… it's not real… She presses her palms harder against her ears. She won't hear. She's not in this closet… She's across the field… beyond it… at the beach… it's the middle of the hot season… the only time the water is warm enough to swim… _

_*BANG*_

_Her mother wails. Louder… Louder than before. Allison is silent. She won't hear… She feels the blade of the knife sink into the skin of her cheek. Blood runs down her chin. She won't cry out. She won't be heard. She won't hear. She's playing in the water; Allison is clinging to her back, arms around her neck… She's laughing… _

_*BANG*_

_Silence. Deep voices rumble to one another in the distance. Why can she still hear? She doesn't want to hear! Her friend is in front of her…she takes a turn with Allison on her back… jumping around in the waves… They are all laughing… _

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><p><em>Commander Anna Shepard… Colony Kid… Sole Survivor of Akuze… terrifying ginger woman… <em>

Shepard stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. She poked her nose, then her cheeks, then fiddled with the scar on her lips.

_You'd think that all these years as a hardened marine on the battlefield would have darkened my skin even a little but nooo… _

She was feeling particularly self-conscious at the moment. With the addition of a new female member to the crew of the Normandy, Shepard became particularly aware of how goddamn pale she looked. Williams was a pleasant shade of tan, as was every other woman she had served with, ever (if they weren't they were darker-skinned) … In fact, come to think of it, every year Shepard was in school she was made fun of as least once for being a "creepy ginger kid." The lighting in the Normandy didn't help either… the pale fluorescent lights made her look like a corpse.

She read at one point that paleness used to be common among humans, but when segregation and racism were banned and inter-racial marriage became common, paleness started to be mixed with darker skin tones. Only families that came from cold, northern areas of Earth still had pale skin, and they were getting rarer and rarer. That wasn't a bad thing; evolutionarily speaking darker skin was much tougher and more resistant to solar radiation. People with pale skin often ended up with skin cancer and it, as far as Shepard's skin was concerned, got irritated very easily. Therefore Shepard was often made painfully aware whenever she contracted sunburn that she was evolutionarily inferior, even if she did have a higher tolerance to cold.

Her skin was tough though, she had to admit that. Since she joined the Alliance marines she was given special enhancements that made her skin more resistant to brute force injuries and cuts. However, these upgrades were designed to not change how a person physically looked so she was still a creepy ginger. Her freckles added to that effect. When exposed to the sun she never tanned, she just got more freckles. Her mother would always tell her freckles were "Angel Kisses." That didn't make them look any better to her. She blamed this all on her mother's side of the family, which was pure Irish. When Shepard was born she was given special gene therapy to protect her from heart disease (and alcoholism) that was in her family's blood, but again this had nothing to do with her outward appearance.

Shepard's eyes didn't help either. They were large and round and freaked people out when she opened them wide enough that you could see white all around her green pupils. Ironically this sort-of counter-balanced the mocking she earned in school. Some people would mock her for being a creepy ginger but others would avoid her at all costs because her wide eyes and matted hair made her look insane.

She was the kind of person that never understood the importance of keeping ones hair tidy when it was going to get messed up anyway. Sure she brushed her hair when she got up in the morning and when she took her helmet off to avoid horrid knotting, but beyond that she let her hair do whatever the hell it wanted to. She even shaved it off at one point in a fit of adolescent angst after her family died, and then shaved it again when she became a marine recruit. It was only at this point that she realized how much her ears made her look like a monkey, so she let it grow back enough to cover them.

…And these all were just insecurities she had about her head… her body was another story entirely. Her combat armors made her look somewhat curvy from the padding inside them but when she stripped them off and looked at just the skin-tight undersuit she would notice how flat and bony she was. What wasn't bony was occupied by muscle… she had barely any curvature to her body at all. This didn't bother her as much though; every time she saw a supermodel that had a much nicer ass than her she could at least tell herself that she could beat the ever-loving shit out of that woman, who wouldn't survive ten seconds in the kind of combat situations Shepard endured.

That was why Shepard loved being a Marine. Whatever insecurities she had about how she looked, they were always washed away in a sea of adrenaline that flowed through her in combat. No matter what kind of insults someone would have in store for her, she could just imagine looking through the scope of a sniper rifle at them and suddenly she was giggling internally with vengeful thoughts of their head exploding.

She had been desensitized to violence and death when she was sixteen, a point when the human brain is not yet fully developed. By the time she joined the Alliance military she had no problem with taking a life, so long as it was in self-defense… or that life had it coming. She still had morals and feelings after all… she wasn't a psychopath for heaven's sake… In fact the less she knew about the person she was killing, the better. Even with all the calyces that formed in her heart over the years she still felt guilt for taking lives, the less she knew about the people she had to kill… the better she could sleep at night. She had to be detached from the process. Bad things happen when you get in too deep. Marines were given special treatments to help detach them from the process of killing to prevent PTSD, but they didn't make her guiltless or remorseless, and Shepard was thankful for that.

The slavers that killed her family were guiltless and remorseless… she would never allow herself to stoop to that level. NEVER. The day she is able to shoot a screaming child in the face up close while her mother begs for mercy is the day she will have to fire herself out the nearest airlock.

She brushed her fingers down the scar on her cheek. That was her reminder. It reminded her of the exact moment when her family was brutally murdered, and it always put things into perspective for her. The scar on her lip was from something different entirely, she received it during her brutal training. She had another scar that no one ever saw too, a large one on her thigh where she was burned by Thresher Acid during the attack on Akuze.

_That hurt like a bitch and a half…_

"Commander? Is everything alright in there? You've been in the bathroom for an awful long time now…"

Ashley's voice spoke to her from the other side of the bathroom door.

"I'm fine Williams." Shepard replied.

"Alright. I'm just making sure you're okay. You were out for half a day after the beacon… it hit you pretty hard. I'd be surprised if it didn't make you a little sick."

"Well believe it or not it takes more than ancient exploding beacons to take me out… no matter how long I was asleep afterwards."

Ashley chuckled and Shepard heard her walk away. Actually the real reason Shepard had been in the bathroom was that five minutes after she woke up she had to puke. She had spent the last ten washing her mouth out and trying to get the smell off her. The Prothean artifact they were supposed to recover sucked her into some kind of stasis field and brutally forced images and sounds into her head. When it was finished it exploded and knocked her unconscious. She couldn't make heads or tails of the images shot into her head but she could tell it was some kind of massacre involving synthetics. Maybe it was a warning against the Geth? Who knows… but either way, the intensity of it all made her nauseous. She was slowly getting used to the horrific images since they were playing over and over in her head while she was sleeping… but she still felt like her brain, and her insides in general, had been scrambled.

She sighed, figuring the smell of vomit was just a paranoid figment of her imagination at this point since she had been cleaning herself off for so long, so she left the bathroom and settled down at the table in the mess hall with Kaiden and Ashley.

"Commander I'm glad to see you're okay…" said Kaiden as she sat down. "Losing Jenkins was hard on the crew, and I'm glad we didn't lose you too."

"Yeah… I wish I could have done something to save him…" Shepard said softly, twirling a lock of her hair with her finger and staring at the tabletop.

"I was there!" Kaiden piped up defensively. "You did everything right! It was just bad luck!"

Shepard couldn't help herself; she let out a small laugh that earned her questioning looks from her crewmates.

"I'm a bit of a magnet for bad luck." She explained.

"What?" Kaiden looked taken aback. "That's not true! You do so well in combat and you were even nominated to become a Spectre!"

Shepard smiled but shook her head.

"That's because of skill Alenko, not good luck…" She said. "People just seem to die around me… and every time I try to blame myself I'm always told it was just bad luck."

"I guess that makes sense…" Said Kaiden, thoughtfully. "Still, Jenkins really wasn't your fault."

"Part of me feels guilty for what happened." Ashley murmured. "If Jenkins was still alive, I might not be here.

"You're a good soldier, Williams. You belong on the Normandy." Shepard said reassuringly. "But you should be careful… because I'm here you might die."

Ashley laughed.

"In every mission there is a chance that I might die. You're too hard on yourself Commander. It's an honor to be here and serving with you."

Shepard blushed. She got compliments like that a lot lately but she never really got used to hearing them.

"Thanks Ashley… I think you're gonna fit in just fine here."

Ashley gave her a weak smile.

"I just wish my whole unit didn't have to get wiped out…" She said, a sad look creeping across her face.

Shepard nodded.

"I know… it's a tough thing to go through. If Akuze taught me anything it's that you never really get used to seeing so many people you know get wiped out… no matter how long you've been a marine…"

Ashley nodded and the three of them sat silently for a few minutes. It was sad but comfortable silence as they thought about their fallen comrades. They were so wrapped up in it that all three of them jumped when the pilot, Joker, spoke to them over the com system.

"Commander we've arrived at the citadel. I'm about to take us into dock, why don't you come up and have a look? See that taxpayer money at work."

She had never been to the citadel. She did want to see it from the outside; she heard it was a breathtaking sight.

"That sounds like a good idea." She stated, getting to her feet. "Come with me." She said, smiling to Ashley and Kaiden. They nodded and eagerly followed her to the staircase leading up to the main deck.

* * *

><p>"Saren's hiding something! I need more time! Stall them!"<p>

"Stall the council? Don't be ridiculous. Your investigation is over, Garrus."

Garrus growled and clenched his fists, staring at the floor. He didn't know why he was disappointed, he fully expected Executor Pallin to shoot him down. Maybe he had just a little too much hope that this time he would get a chance… maybe he wanted one so badly he convinced himself there actually was hope when there really was none at all…

As the head of C-Sec walked away, Garrus heard a voice pipe up from the stairs to his right.

"…Well that sucks."

Garrus's head shot up. He was about to give whoever said that a piece of his mind but froze when he saw none other than Commander Shepard standing before him. He had to admit, with her hair groomed properly and her eyes in a more somber, serious expression she definitely looked less crazy. She was accompanied by a man and a woman. Garrus recognized them from the case file as well. The man was Kaiden Alenko and the woman was Ashley Williams. Alenko kept glancing nervously at Shepard and Williams was gazing around with a suspicious expression, like she didn't trust anything that moved in here. He approached them and nodded his head.

"Commander Shepard? Garrus Vakarian. I was the officer in charge of the C-Sec investigation into Saren."

He kept himself in a straight stature with an air of confidence despite the fact that all the words he just said had practically fallen out of his mouth before he could think about them. He prayed to the spirits to that he looked professional and not like a blabbering idiot. Shepard was scanning him intently with her green eyes. Humans normally had very easy expressions to read but Garrus was surprised to find himself unable to determine what the Commander was thinking as she sized him up. A few seconds passed and a small warm smile crossed her lips. She held out her hand and Garrus shook it. He knew that was a standard greeting between humans and had done it more than enough times to understand that her tight grip and firm shake were good signs.

"Nice to meet you Garrus." She said. The comedic demeanor she was sporting only moments ago seemed to have faded into friendly professionalism. "Did you come across anything I should know about?"

Garrus's heart sank. For a moment he had forgotten that he had completely blown his investigation and had simply felt proud to be in Shepard's presence. Crazy-looking or not, the woman knew how to handle herself. Garrus folded his arms and attempted to deliver his bad news in the most solid and professional manner possible.

"Saren's a Spectre so most of his activities are classified…" He said, looking away from her briefly as he thought about how he was actually saying his words this time. "I couldn't find anything solid."

The polite smile on Shepard's face faded a little, tainted by disappointment.

_Oh crap… Now I feel even worse… Quick! Say something reassuring to regain her confidence in you!_

"But I know he's up to something!" He blurted out. "Like you humans say I feel it in my gut…"

_Smooooth… _

Shepard chuckled at his remark and smiled at him again. She looked like she was about to say something when Alenko spoke up, almost deliberately.

"Commander I think the Council is ready for us…"

She nodded to him.

"Let's go."

"Good luck Commander. Maybe they'll listen to you." Garrus said bitterly, wishing he could have done more to help.

Shepard stopped on her way past him and looked up at him. Her green eyes flashed with determination and just a hint of mischief.

"Don't give up yet Garrus, Saren's working with the Geth, you can't do something like that and cover your tracks forever. Just because C-Sec says your investigation is over doesn't mean _ours_ is… if you still feel like helping go ahead and keep looking. We'll take all the help we can get."

"Commander!"

Alenko was clearly anxious to get moving. Garrus didn't know why. Even if they had gotten there early it wasn't going to change the fact that the council made up their minds before the investigation had even started.

_He's a bit of a little bitch isn't he, though?_

The Commander rolled her eyes making sure only Garrus could see it and smiled as she walked off to join her companions... almost as if she knew what he was thinking and was agreeing with him? When she walked away Garrus's nose caught the scent of something… familiar… something that reminded him of home… what the hell was it and why was it coming from a human?

Okay now he HAD to find something. Not only was she okay with him letting her down in his investigation but she still had confidence that he could help her… and she was right. With the magnitude of crimes Saren was committing there was only so much he could hide… but where the hell would he start?

_There is nothing solid in any file I can access… so maybe I should try talking to people who know Saren? _

While he was pondering this, a movement in the corner of the room caught his eye. A Turian in black armor was standing in the shadows, eyeing Shepard as she approached the council's chambers. He had a dark carapace and white face paint, in the pattern of open jaws with sharp teeth. Garrus recognized it immediately. It wasn't a colony marking at all. It was the marking of a group of Turian assassins from the Terminus systems. They took in orphaned Turian children and barefaces and trained them to be ruthless killers. They weren't exactly good at being stealthy but they were good at making deaths look like accidents and hiding evidence. Garrus had always been thankful that they normally stayed out of Citadel space. He worked one or two cases involving them and never could get enough evidence for a conviction... If they were here it meant someone was paying a LOT of money and needed someone dead… whoever hired them also wanted it not traceable back to themselves…

_Saren..._

Garrus moved down the stairs, making it look like he was leaving but then quietly crept up to the sitting area just a level below where the assassin was hiding. He stood up against the wall and behind the bench, obscured by some brush. The tower was full of planters, trees and even some grass under the upper levels, mostly to add atmosphere to the place. Garrus Listened intently as the assassin listened to a message on his Omni-tool.

"Head to Chora's Den and talk to Fist. He is arranging a meeting. If Commander Shepard comes anywhere near that club it means she's getting too close. Tell your men if they see her outside the club then I want her dead. I'm meeting with the council now; I don't expect them to have any evidence against me. This is just a formality. I will send you another message should anything change."

_That voice is Saren's… Sounds like Fist is working for him now too… I need to go to Chora's Den and talk to him!_

Garrus took off and headed for the Citadel Rapid Transit hub on the tower. Within five minutes he was outside the club. There were more assassins standing outside the club, waiting for Shepard no doubt. They didn't even shoot him a second glance as he walked inside. Unfortunately there were some C-Sec officers that were regular customers at this place… so his uniform didn't really earn him any suspicious glances.

He walked past an Asari stripper who was attempting to lure him into paying for a lap dance. He was, in no way, there to take in the scenery. He waked towards the door leading to Fist's office but was blocked by a large Krogan bouncer.

"Get out of here C-Sec!" The Krogan rumbled.

"I need to talk to Fist!" Garrus protested.

"No one gets in his office and he's not coming out. Unless you have a warrant I suggest you take your business somewhere else, Turian."

Garrus glared at the Krogan but he knew when to back down. He turned away and started heading towards the door.

"Heeeey! Garrus!"

_Oh spirits I am NOT in the mood right now…_

He stopped in his tracks and turned his gaze to the drunken C-Sec officer he unfortunately knew, sitting at a nearby table.

"What do you want, Harkin?" Garrus growled.

"Ohhh well if you're going to be like that I might as well not tell you." Harkin teased. His voice was slurred by his obvious inebriation.

Garrus groaned and sat down at the table across from him.

"Do you know something that I should know, Harkin or are you just wasting my time?" Garrus asked, in a tone he hoped sounded less annoyed than he was.

"Yeah… These idiots think an old drunk like me couldn't possibly be listening in on their conversations…" Harken waved his hand and chuckled, interrupted by an obnoxious hiccup. "But I hear everything that comes through here… Fist locked himself in his office because he's all paranoid…"

Garrus frowned.

"Do you know why?" He asked.

"I was getting to that!... I heard he was supposed to give information to the Shadow Broker..."

"What kind of information?"

"Fuck if I know. But those assassins came in here and said that Saren will pay Fist double what the Shadow Broker wanted for that information… you and I both know what happens when you screw with the Shadow Broker… Hence why he locked himself in his office… idiot thinks he can just hide for the rest of his life."

Garrus did know. The Shadow Broker was an information broker… and not just any information broker… the best. He had connections everywhere, all over the galaxy. His location was a mystery and his contacts could be anyone anywhere at any time. However, if you worked for the broker and betrayed him you were as good as dead… and if someone who has all the information in the galaxy wants you dead. You're dead.

"Fist's men have been getting all nervous too…" Harkin continued. "They're saying shit like they need to plug all potential leaks… and Dr. Michelle in the clinic upstairs in the wards was one…"

"She's in danger then…" Garrus said, standing up abruptly. "Is there anything else I need to know?

"Naaaah" Harkin grunted. "That's all the information I got… do I get anything for my efforts?"

"Yeah, me not telling Pallin that you're still drinking even though you're supposed to stop. Isn't that the terms of ending your suspension?" Garrus snapped as he headed for the exit.

"Fuck you!" Harkin called after him. Garrus ignored his drunken remark and continued out into the wards.

He headed up a flight of stairs and through the markets. At the end of the markets there was an open space containing more stairs that lead down, and a viewing platform for tourists. On the other side of this open space was the med clinic Harkin had mentioned. He entered the clinic and approached the human female doctor he assumed was Michelle. She was busy sorting what looked like different drugs and medigel.

"Doctor Michelle?" He asked

She jumped and stood up, turning to face him.

"What? I- uh…" She seemed to relax a bit when she saw him but still looked extremely nervous. "What can I do for you?"

"I need some information." He said "Fist-"

"Shh!" She hissed and moved in closer, whispering. "I'm not supposed to be giving any information to C-Sec… "

"Why not?"

Garrus was getting a little tired of being blocked at every turn. He must have said it a little too loud because Michelle looked around nervously again and then leaned back in to continue whispering.

"Fists men… are keeping an eye on me… if I say anything they will kill me!"

"They are making threats?" Garrus folded his arms and frowned.

She nodded.

"What if I got rid of them?"

"You can try but… no no no! It's too risky!" She straightened up, shaking her head and speaking in a normal volume again. "You need to leave!"

"But-"

"LEAVE!"

"Dr. Michelle! This is part of an ongoing C-Sec investigation! If I find out you're withholding information I can have you arrested for obstruction of justice!"

_Take the bluff! Take the bluff! Take the bluff! Take the bluff! Take the bluff!_

Dr. Michelle was quiet for a minute or so, biting her knuckle and thinking. Then she shook her head again.

"I can't tell… I'm afraid for my life here! I should report you for harassment!"

_Damn it!_

Garrus growled. Once again, he was defeated. He didn't need complaints being filed against him for off-duty snooping. He also didn't need his superiors finding out that he was still investigating Saren. He wasn't letting this go, however. He was going to hide near the clinic and wait for Fists men to show up. If they had the clinic bugged they would be here any minute now.

He headed to the open room between the clinic and the markets and stopped when he reached the viewing area. He had just noticed that three humans, all of whom were not there when he passed before, were on the viewing platform gazing out at the view of the Citadel… and the three humans were Shepard, Alenko and Williams. Garrus moved out of sight behind a nearby pillar and listened to them, curious as to what they had to say about both the citadel and how the meeting with the council went. He would have gone up and asked had he not been waiting for Fist's men to show up, knowing his presence would scare them off.

"Big place!" Said Alenko.

Shepard emitted a noise that sounded like a mix between an exasperated sigh and an irritated groan, massaging her forehead as she did so.

"That your… professional opinion sir?" Williams asked Alenko sarcastically.

_Bit soft in the head too it seems… _

"How can they keep tabs on all this?" Shepard asked, more rhetorical than an actual question. "The presidium may as well be on another planet!"

"There's definitely a gap between their presentation and what's here… "Alenko added. "Tracking arrivals must be a nightmare…"

"This makes Jump Zero look like a porta-john…" Said Williams. "…and it's the largest deep space station the Alliance has…"

_The hell is a porta-john?_

"Jump Zero was big but this is a whole 'nother scale… Look at the ward arms. How do they keep all that mass from flying apart?" Alenko asked. Garrus was amused by how they all sounded like children; marveling at something they had never experienced before.

"No wonder the council treats us like outsiders… we'd just be another drop in a bucket they already can't carry…" Shepard said, her tone sounded a little more crestfallen. The meeting with the council must not have gone well, as Garrus had expected.

"They must figure us for one more gang of FNGs looking for a handout." Grumbled Williams.

"I doubt it's personal… it's got to be a balancing act, like every other government."

_Huh… I guess Alenko is capable of saying smart things after all..._

"Why wouldn't they like us, though?" Shepard asked rhetorically again. "We've got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love… according to the old vids we've got everything they'd want…"

_Cute way of looking at it… but we all have those too… although they probably wouldn't consider Turian women beautiful… _

"Well if you put it that way there's no reason why they wouldn't like you… I mean us… Humans… Ma'am…"

Garrus had to resist snorting.

_How subtle… I thought Human militaries banned those sorts of things between soldiers…_

"You don't take much shore leave do you LT?" Williams asked, clearly amused as well.

"Alright enough chatter. Let's move out people." Shepard stated with a raised voice. She was clearly eager to change the subject.

But Garrus's attention was almost immediately drawn elsewhere. He saw five men marching determinedly towards the med clinic through the wards, past Shepard and past him. Garrus followed them silently. They walked into the clinic and he heard Dr. Michelle screech. Garrus drew his pistol and slid in before the door closed automatically. He took cover in the first corner to his right and slowly moved to the other side of the clinic, crouched behind a half-wall dividing it.

"Fist say's you've been talking to C-Sec Doc!" one of the men snarled. "…and Harkin said Garrus was shaking you down for information!"

_Oh for the love of crap! Harkin and his big fucking drunken mouth!_

"I didn't tell anyone I swear!" Dr. Michelle cried out, desperately.

Garrus had reached the end of his cover and knew he had little time to jump out and make his shot. He heard the clinic door open again, out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of Shepard walking in.

"That was smart doc."

_Spirits… I hope she distracts them and doesn't make them shoot Dr. Michelle…_

"Now if Garrus come around you stay smart. Keep your mouth shut or we'll- Who are you!"

"Let her go!" Shepard demanded. There was fire in her voice.

It was now or never. Garrus stood up and spun around out of cover, he quickly lined up his shot and pulled the trigger, taking down the thug holding the doctor hostage with a clean shot to his head.

The rest happened very quickly. Dr. Michelle dove out of sight behind a bed. Alenko used a biotic push to slam one man into a wall. Shepard launched herself over the half-wall as Garrus took cover. Alenko and Williams found cover also. Shepard slammed her assault rifle into the head of the man in front of her then took cover behind another bed, shooting at the two men remaining. They had taken cover at the back of the clinic. One man was taken down in a flurry of bullets but the other was too skilled at avoiding their gunfire. Shepard shot a fire containment system on the wall near the thug instead. The resulting explosion knocked him out of cover and a single shot from Williams' pistol finally took him down. They each stood up again and met in the center of the clinic. They were all panting slightly from the adrenaline rush. Garrus was eager to talk to Shepard.

"Perfect timing, Shepard!" He said, beaming with pride. "…Gave me a clear shot at that bastard!"

He was surprised to find Shepard frowning at him.

"What were you thinking? You could have hit the hostage!"

Garrus was taken aback. He had been scolded before for stunts like this but this was the first time he felt genuinely bad about what he did because of it. The only person he knew who made him feel that way when they scolded him like that was his father… He did respect the commander, and he hated the thought of disappointing someone he respected so he supposed it made sense.

"There wasn't time to think-I just reacted…" He blurted out, trying desperately to explain himself "I didn't mean to- Dr. Michelle are you hurt?"

"No. I'm alright, thanks to you, all of you." She said with a calm smile to each of them.

The commander's frown vanished as she addressed the doctor calmly, putting a reassuring hand on Michelle's shoulder.

"I know those men threatened you, but if you tell us who they work for we can protect you."

Garrus opened his mouth, about to answer the question for her since he knew the doctor wasn't going to tell them anything, but Michelle spoke up before he could. Once again he was surprised.

"They work for fist. They wanted to shut me up… keep me from telling Garrus about the Quarian."

_How the hell did Shepard do that?_

"What Quarian?" Shepard asked.

"A few days ago a Quarian came by my office..." Dr. Michelle explained. "She was shot but she wouldn't tell me who did it. I could tell she was scared… probably on the run. She asked me about the Shadow Broker, she wanted to trade information in exchange for a safe place to hide. I put her in contact with Fist; he's an agent for the Shadow broker…"

"Not anymore." Garrus added quickly. "Now he works for Saren, and the Shadow Broker is not too happy about it."

"Fist betrayed the Shadow broker?" The doctor asked, shocked. "That's stupid even for him… Saren must have made him quite the offer…"

"That Quarian must have something Saren wants. Something worth crossing the Shadow Broker to get…" Garrus thought out loud, hoping Shepard would come to the same conclusions he did.

"She must have something that proves Saren is a traitor. Did the Quarian say anything about Saren or the Geth?" Shepard asked. Garrus could detect excitement in her voice. Her eyes were flashing daringly again.

"She did! The information she was going to trade…" The Doctor replied quickly. "She said it had something to do with the Geth… "

"She must be able to link Saren to the Geth!" Garrus concluded. "There's no way the council can ignore this!"

"Time we paid fist a visit..." Shepard said to Alenko and Williams.

Once again Garrus didn't even stop to think, the words were out of his mouth before he even realized it.

"This is your show Shepard, but I want to bring Saren down as much as you do! I'm coming with you!"

_Why the hell do I keep doing that?_

"You're a Turian… why do you want to bring him down?" Shepard asked. She was looking at him with slight skepticism.

Now Garrus was insulted. He felt his blood rise to his cheeks and rage from Shepard thinking he would even associate himself with Saren. How could she think that? Did she think he was in Saren's pocket all along? How dare she!

"I couldn't find the proof I needed in my investigation but I knew what was really going on!" He snapped, this time not caring about what he was saying or if he would get scolded. She crossed a line. "Saren is a traitor to the council and a disgrace to my people!"

Shepard didn't flinch. Her expression had gone back to being blank and unreadable, save for her furrowed brow, meaning she was studying him intently again. There were a few tense moments when they stared each other down, then a small smirk formed on her lips and before Garrus could react she grabbed his hand forcefully and held it.

Garrus recognized this gesture too, although it wasn't as common among humans as a handshake. This was a solid grip with their arms bent upwards and their elbows almost touching. Humans in the military did it often when someone joined their squad and was recognized as one of them. It was deeper than a handshake it meant-

"Welcome aboard Garrus." She said, grinning. That look of determination and mischief in her eyes again.

_Was that some kind of test? Spirits… This woman IS crazy!_


	3. Chapter 3: Get Up

**Author's Notes:  
><strong>

I'm trying to get as many chapters as I can done before Skyrim comes out and I drop off the face of the earth...**  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3: Get Up<strong>

_The voices come closer. _

"_Stupid farming human hics… maybe they have some valuables worth pawning off on Omega…"_

_Crashing and banging noises come from the living room._

"_Hold it… Look at the pictures on the wall. They have another kid."_

"_Hm… Could be hiding… Might not be home."_

"_Should we look for it?"_

_They are in the hall… she left her bedroom door open… they are outside…_

"_No need… look. The closet is closed."_

_*BANG*_

_Her ears ring. There is a slight dent in the door now, just above her head. The doors in this house were all extremely secure. Living on an off world colony was proven risky during the first contact war. Companies that made modular moveable houses for off world colonies made them safe for the homeowners. _

_ "Pfft! Just like they said. Humans have bullet-proof doors in their houses…" _

_They are getting closer… They aren't human… Turian? No… They only have one set of vocal chords… Deep voices… male… not Asari or Salarians… Their voices gurgle slightly when they speak… Batarians… Slavers… Oh god… _

_*SLAM* _

_One of them kicks the door, it does not give way. They try to open it. She locked it… they short-circuit the lock… a steel latch on the inside… She bolted it, they can't get in. _

"_You're gonna die human." He's talking to her… she doesn't move, doesn't blink, doesn't breathe…. "If you don't come out and get it over with now you'll just get blown up with the rest of the house once we're done looting it."_

_ She had to get out… not now… she had to wait… wait until they are in another room… She grips the knife. It smells like peppers..._

* * *

><p>"Commander Shepard –Step Forward."<p>

Shepard shot an anxious glance at Captain Anderson. He gave her a reassuring smile and nod. She inhaled deeply and stepped forward to face the three members of the galactic council.

"It is the decision of the council that you be granted the powers and privileges of the special tactics and reconnaissance branch of the citadel."

"Spectres are not trained, but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle—those whose actions elevate them above the rank and file."

"Spectres are an ideal, a symbol. The embodiment of courage, determination and self-reliance. They are the right hand of the council; Instruments of our will."

"Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of galactic peace, both our first and last line of defense. They safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold."

"You are the first Human Spectre, Commander. This is a great accomplishment for you and your entire species. "

"I'm honored councilor." Shepard said to the Asari councilor. The one who addressed her last.

"We're sending you into the Traverse after Saren. He's a fugitive from justice so you are authorized to use and means necessary to apprehend or eliminate him." The Salarian Councilor stated.

"I'll find him." Said Shepard. And she meant it. Saren was not going to accomplish his plans and she would make sure he didn't; even if it killed her.

"This meeting of the council is adjourned."

After a brief exchange of congratulations with Anderson and Udina already obsessing over how things were going to pan out the two of them walked off to set up Shepard's transportation and resources for her first task as a Spectre.

"I expected your ambassador to be more grateful." Said Garrus, watching them leave and frowning. "He didn't even thank you."

"What do you expect from a politician? Especially Udina…" Shepard grumbled. "Come on, everyone is waiting."

They walked off the platform where the rest of the squad was waiting. Shepard stopped and folded her arms. Garrus and Kaiden took their place with everyone else and she looked at them all, nodding appreciatively.

"Thanks for helping me find evidence against Saren." She started. They all nodded and spoke out with different forms of "Your welcome." She smiled and continued.

"It's only going to get harder from here. I'm going after him and I'll probably have to chase him across the Galaxy… You're all welcome to come along… but if you want out, now is the time to get out."

As she expected everyone piped up in protest at the same time. She waved her hands.

"Whoa whoa whoa! One at a time!"

She pointed at Kaiden.

"I was with you since the beginning commander." He stated, puffing his chest out indignantly. "I saw what Saren did on Eden Prime. I want to make him pay!"

Ashley nodded in agreement. "Same here." She said.

"I already told you I was going with you!" said Shepard's new Quarian companion, folding her arms. Shepard couldn't see her expression through her enviro-suit mask but Tali's body language said more than enough. There was no way in hell she was leaving now.

"I don't have any more contracts to complete." Rumbled Wrex, The Krogan they had picked up as well. "If Saren is doing what you say he's doing then I'm going to help stop him. The whole galaxy is at stake. It's time I did something heroic for a change."

"What about you Garrus?" Shepard asked, turning finally to her new Turian companion. "You have a job and a life here… do you really want to just abandon it and leave it all behind?"

"Yes." Garrus stated simply. "This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Working with a Spectre and traveling the galaxy… Or sit in my office at C-Sec doing paperwork… Which would you chose, Shepard?"

Shepard laughed.

"Some people enjoy the safety of a nice desk job…"

"Yeah well I don't."

"Alright. You all made your points." Shepard said, addressing the group again. "I still have a few errands to run here on the Citadel… You all should wrap up any old business you had, go shopping for things you need for the trip… You get the idea."

She glanced at a beeping message that just came up on her Omni-tool.

"Udina wants us to meet him at the Normandy when we can so I'll meet you all there in an hour. Dismissed."

The group split apart and headed towards the transit hub. Tali and Garrus remained. Tali was fidgeting nervously.

"Commander… If we're going on a human ship… Garrus and I need Dextro-Amino based food and well…"

Shepard smiled warmly.

"I have plenty of credits with me. We can pick up some food for you guys while I'm running my errands if you want."

"You don't need to do that commander!" Garrus objected. "I can buy the food for us-"

"You're my crew now" Shepard interrupted. "It's my job to make sure you're comfortable on this mission. Besides I'm a Spectre now. That should give me some store discounts, right?"

"I'm not sure, Commander…" Garrus said, nervously.

Shepard headed towards the transport hub and motioned for them to follow her.

"You know, Garrus." Shepard said as they walked. "No offense but your Councilor is a bit of a dick."

"A what?" asked Tali.

"She means he's an asshole and quite frankly I agree." Said Garrus. "Although like you said, Shepard: What do you expect from a politician?"

Shepard snorted, a noise neither of her new companions seemed to understand. She laughed.

"Yeah you got me there."

_No matter our differences between species… all our politicians are dicks. _

They took a transport back down to the wards.

"We're going back to Chora's Den _again?_" Garrus complained.

"Yeah the Asari Consort asked me to talk to someone for her in there. Believe me I don't like it in there any more than you do… less perhaps." Shepard grumbled as they parked outside the club.

They walked inside and Shepard looked around, then she spotted who she was looking for: An older Turian, dark carapace with white markings, drinking himself to death in the corner and occasionally shouting angry things about Sha'ira, the Asari Consort. He was a General named Septimus and he was very unhappy about being romantically rejected by Sha'ira. His response was getting drunk off his ass and spreading lies about her to damage her reputation.

Shepard approached him; he seemed to recognize her right away although he didn't appear interested in talking to her. He avoided eye contact and gulped down another drink. Shepard stopped directly in front of his table and folded her arms. He couldn't ignore her now, so he leaned back in his chair and looked up at her.

"Commander?… Hmph… What do you want?" He grumbled.

"I'm here on Sha'ira's behalf." Shepard said politely. "Your Lies are hurting her…"

"Good!" Septimus barked. "Her lies have been killing me for days!"

He paused, calming slightly and leaning on the table.

I've seen a lot of horrible things in my days and there's only one woman in this damn galaxy that helps me forget it…"

"This is pathetic." Garrus said irritably. "What could a woman do to put you in this state?"

Shepard shot Garrus an angry glare.

_Yeah let's help the situation by pissing off an already pissed off man even more… brilliant Garrus, top notch thinking…_

"'Cause she rejected me. ME! Septimus Oraka, General of the Turian fleet." Septimus snarled. If he were sober and armed Shepard would have taken a step back but she knew he was no threat in this state.

"I can see why you're upset." Shepard replied calmly. "But spreading these lies won't make it better."

Septimus looked up at her and shook his head.

"Look kid I appreciate what you're trying to do, but don't waste your time." He mumbled, leaning forward and slouching, sadness clearly overwhelming him now.

"General did you ever win a battle by moping in a bar?" Shepard asked, raising an eyebrow. She had to remind him that he was a hardened veteran and a soldier, not a pitiful drunk.

"Ha! War! That's what this feels like alright… How did I let it come to this?" He stared at the floor for a moment then looked back up at her. "So you think it's that easy? Just straighten up and act like a general?"

"It damn well couldn't hurt!" Garrus snapped.

_God damn it._

"Huh… maybe you're right Commander. Sha'ira's worth the effort. Even if she won't have me back.

_Good he's ignoring Garrus…that insensitive idiot… _

"This is no place for someone of your stature, General." Shepard stated warmly, placing her hand on the table and looking determinedly into his face.

Septimus nodded at her.

"Alright I'll go to her… after I've had a cold shower… or two… well…" He lifted up his glass "Here's to soldiers acting like soldiers…"

Shepard nodded in return as he finished off his last drink.

"Thanks, Commander." Septimus added. "You know, you might make a good general yourself one day."

Shepard waved and they walked out of the club, making their way back to the transit hub outside the club. A sudden thought crossed Shepard's mind and she looked back over her shoulder at her Turian companion.

"You've never had your heart broken have you, Garrus?" Shepard asked.

"What? Well- I mean maybe, I don't know…" Garrus stammered, clearly caught off guard by the question. "B-but that doesn't excuse-"

"Believe me." Shepard interrupted as she used the hub interface to hail a cab. "It's very easy to lose yourself in the pain and want to drink it all away, even lash out."

She finished and turned to face him.

"Having a broken heart doesn't excuse his behavior, you're right. But it explains it. And if you've been there you know what it's like and easier to understand, therefore easier to be sensitive towards it."

Garrus shook his head.

"But all that over a woman? I mean, it's despicable how easily a General can just fall apart over a relationship!"

Shepard smiled and looked up, watching the cab fly in towards them. Garrus's naivety was almost cute to her.

"That's because you've never been so close to someone that losing them could all but destroy you. If you ever were you would understand."

Garrus growled indignantly.

"..and I suppose you would be the expert on that sort of thing?" He snapped.

Shepard's smile vanished and she froze, stiff. She felt like he had lit a flame in her core, one she always tried desperately to keep under control. She took a very deep breath and closed her eyes, resisting the urge to turn around and punch him. She shot him a cold glare but wouldn't make eye contact.

_Give him a few seconds… He'll get it eventually. He knows who I am… he must have read my personnel file… He'll remember… _

"Oh… right…"

_There we go._

The flame died out again as she slid into the taxi. Tali climbed in behind her into the passenger seat and then Garrus slid into the back.

"C-Commander I…" Garrus began after a long silence as the taxi took off, heading back up to the presidium. Shepard held up a hand to silence him.

"Don't" She said. "It's fine."

Tali was looking back and forth between the two of them, unsure of what exactly they were talking about. Garrus clearly wanted to say more but at least he knew now wasn't an appropriate time.

"We'll head to the consort chambers and tell Sha'ira that everything is alright then we'll go food shopping for you two okay? Shepard asked, warmly. They both nodded.

* * *

><p>"I wasn't trying to-… I understand commander"<p>

Shepard nodded to him and turned, walking back towards the lift up to the crew quarters of the Normandy. Garrus had just gotten _another_ lecture from her, this time about how he left C-Sec so he wouldn't have to follow rules only to realize Shepard didn't see what being a Spectre meant the same way he did.

He sighed. Shepard was right, of course. She was always right. He never did have his heart broken, the rules were always there for a reason and killing innocents to get to the bad guy was never the answer. He looked around the hangar, Wrex and Williams were at the opposite side. They had made themselves at home in the Normandy's hangar, just like he had. Williams kept to the lockers and sorting their firearms. Garrus himself had settled in next to the Mako tank. Wrex stayed in the far corner, watching over everyone like a grumpy parent.

Garrus liked the Mako. It was designed with cutting edge technology. It wasn't like other tanks. It was fast and could maneuver any kind of terrain and was held up on four large wheels, each with heavy suspension. When he first was given the tour of the Normandy he spotted the laptop next to the tank and had a look. Shepard told him that the tank needed its weapon, radar and targeting systems kept in top notch condition. The laptop was there to calibrate and optimize those systems, and Garrus knew how to do it. He also had some mechanic experience so when they came back from driving it around on the surface of a planet he would do necessary repairs on it to make it good as new for its next time out. They had only dropped on a few planets so far (Garrus had only been along for one of those trips) but Shepard drove the damn thing into the ground, she was very good at testing the limits of the tank's potential and then asking Garrus to fix it, or even make it better.

Garrus found himself spending pretty much all day every day working on that damn tank… he didn't mind it though, it gave him something to do and it made him actually useful to the Commander outside a gunfight. At least he had that… almost every time the commander talked to him she had a way of making him feel ashamed of himself. She must have thought that he was just some dumb C-Sec officer who didn't like authority and was too naive to understand things the way she did… And she was right. He was naïve. He had looked up her age on her personnel file; she was younger than him, even in Turian years. However, she had seen more horrible things in her life than he had and had endured much more adversity.

"_I see the sadness behind your eyes. It tells a story that makes me want to weep. Pain and loss, but it drives you, makes you strong."_

Although he only really knew about Akuze, the Asari Consort's words to Shepard stuck in the back of his mind constantly, making him think there was more to her life than that. She had all but told him that she had suffered from a broken heart before. At first he thought she was talking about Akuze but after some time around her and the Normandy crew he realized Akuze wasn't a deep scar, she had already suffered something much more horrible. He wanted to know, he wanted to understand her better and stop acting like a clueless idiot around her.

Garrus worked on the Mako for a few more hours, rebalancing the suspension and pondering how to better understand the commander, and then he was hit with an idea. He stood up and made his way to the lift. He would finish patching up the Mako later. He knew Ashley wouldn't want to talk to him about Shepard. He had overheard her expressing distrust in him, Wrex and Tali to Shepard. Something Shepard was not happy about either. He had tried to converse with Kaiden about her but he seemed too defensive… He wanted to protect Shepard even if she didn't need protecting. It didn't take a starship scientist to see that he had feelings for the commander, or that he was way too damn possessive and overprotective. What Garrus found amusing was the fact that Shepard was very aware of his feelings and ignored them diligently.

There was only one person on this ship who knew everything about Shepard and who would be willing to talk about it. The ship's doctor: Chakwas. He decided to ask her about Shepard's past and maybe he would actually get some answers for a change.

He took the lift up to the crew quarters and headed over to the med bay. Chakwas was sitting quietly at her desk, reading a data pad with a cup of hot, dark liquid in her hand. She was an older human, with visible wrinkles in her skin and white hair. Garrus had noted that when humans got older their hair color dies, and in men it falls out sometimes. Chakwas, however, kept her white hair well groomed like she was still in her youth. She didn't appear to hear Garrus walk in so he cleared his throat. She looked up and smiled at him.

"Officer Vakarian." She addressed him warmly. "What can I do for you?"

Garrus sat in a nearby chair and drummed his talons on his knee, thinking of how best to word his question.

"I uh… well, I would like to ask you something…" He began.

"Certainly."

Chakwas was always very proper and polite, Garrus liked that.

"When we were at the citadel the Asari Consort said that Shepard had a lot of pain and loss in her past… I was curious as to what she was referring to."

Chakwas tapped her chin with her index finger, looking up at the ceiling and thinking.

"Hmmm…Perhaps the consort was referring to the massacre on Akuze?" The doctor said. Garrus could tell she said that on purpose and that she was hiding something.

"The way Shepard talks about Akuze makes me think that it's not the whole story." Garrus said, offering Chakwas a chance to tell the truth. "I wasn't given her psychological profile during my investigation into Saren but her personnel file said she had no family. Does it have something to do with that?"

_Come on, woman. I couldn't be making it any easier…_

Chakwas sighed and placed her cup on the desk, then leaned forward, making direct eye-contact with him.

"I suppose it's only fair… Everyone who's ever served in the Alliance military knows Shepard's story… It's tragic, to say the least."

Garrus nodded, he kept silent, waiting for her to continue.

"Shepard has no family now but it wasn't always like that. She grew up on a farm on the colony of Mindior with her parents and her little sister. When she was sixteen Batarian slavers attacked the colony and slaughtered her whole family… not to mention her friends and everyone she ever knew or loved."

Garrus's jaw dropped slightly. He knew it had to be horrific but he wasn't expecting just how horrific. Chakwas continued.

"The story changes depending on who tells it but that's the basics of it. As the ship's doctor I personally know her medical history. After her family died she suffered from severe post-traumatic stress disorder. She was catatonic and refused to talk for nearly a year, so they put her in a mental health facility on Earth and she stayed there until she was eighteen. She was so heavily treated for her PTSD that her brain is now permanently resilient to mental trauma. That's why she makes such a good soldier, because she can stay calm in the heat of even the most intense battle."

"Incredible… so what the consort said was true… "Garrus murmured. "It did make her stronger…"

"It did not make the grief go away." Said Chakwas. "Shepard has had to deal with that her entire life. But since then and since Akuze she is always prepared for the worst case scenario, which is why now she is so excellent at surviving and keeping situations from going bottom-up."

"What about Eden Prime?"

"That could have gone a lot worse…" Chakwas said, her tone suggesting that she was a little offended. "With Saren and the Geth down there she could have lost everyone… the colony would have been a smoking crater had she not disarmed the charges they set…"

Garrus nodded.

"I suppose your right…" He murmured.

"Make no mistake, Garrus. You're very lucky to be working with Shepard. She is special, and not just because of her treatments but because she has been strong from the beginning… and that she did not let her grief consume her and ruin her. The most amazing thing about her is that even though she has endured so much pain, she still manages to smile and make jokes as if nothing happened to her at all."

Chakwas leaned in closer and her voice lowered to near a whisper.

"I also was told that Captain Anderson was the soldier that saved her on Mindior and that when he found her… she had killed every Batarian in her sight. She fought her way to safety, and she was just a child… He convinced her to join the Alliance military because of that."

"Wow…" Garrus said softly.

"You cannot tell anyone though." Chakwas said, sharply, making Garrus jump in his seat a little. "We don't know if that is really true and Shepard has a hard enough time talking about the subject without rumors spreading about it…"

"She does?" Garrus asked.

"She says she's moved beyond it but every time the subject is brought up she is very hasty to change it… I think she is repressing it." Chakwas said, leaning back in her chair and picking up her cup again to sip from it. "I honestly don't blame her…"

"Neither do I…" Garrus said with a sigh. He stood up.

"Thanks for talking to me doctor." He stated

"Any time, Officer." She replied.

Garrus took his leave from the med bay. He noticed from the clock that it was later than he thought. What Chakwas had told him suddenly put everything into perspective for him. Losing everyone you ever knew would most certainly break your heart… it would be devastating… if a Turian general couldn't handle rejection from one woman how could a sixteen year old girl handle losing everything she grew up with? It also explained why Captain Anderson trusted Shepard like she was his own daughter and why he gave up the Normandy so Shepard could use it to find Saren. Anderson had been watching out for her ever since she lost her family. He watched her overcome her grief and become a strong and confident warrior. In a sense he was Shepard's family now, although their relationship was always strictly professional, or at least that's how Garrus saw it.

He was about to head to the elevator to finish his work on the Mako when he spotted something unusual. Shepard was in the mess hall, fast asleep. Her head was resting on her arms, folded on the table. There were various data pads spread around her and under her arms. There was also a cup of what looked like the same liquid that Chakwas was drinking but it wasn't steaming. Garrus quietly approached her, examining this curious spectacle.

Shepard looked interesting… she looked completely innocent… harmless… Garrus could scarcely believe this was the same woman that made him feel like a fool since the day he met her. Her untidy red hair was falling gracefully across her pale face. Her mouth was open slightly and her breaths were slow, quiet and steady. He caught himself admiring her bony elbows and wrists. Humans had such smooth skin; it complimented her bony frame rather appealingly. She seemed so fragile and yet he saw this woman punch through a scavenger's helmet when he got too close to her in battle, causing him to suffocate on the current planet's thin atmosphere…

_Wait… How long have I been standing here staring at her? _

Garrus quickly looked over his shoulders to see if anyone else was around, watching him be a total creep. He sighed with relief when he realized they were alone.

_I should wake her up… She won't get a good night's sleep like this…_

Garrus moved around the table so he was directly across from her. He leaned forward and shook her shoulder gently. She shot upwards, causing him to jump backwards in surprise.

"I'm awake! I'm awake!" She shouted before actually looking around to see who had woken her up. "I uh… What? Garrus?"

Garrus was frozen, still a bit shocked.

"Shit… what time is it?" She looked around and began gathering up all the data pads. She looked at the liquid in the cup and swore under her breath, something Garrus couldn't hear.

"Decaf… Figures…" She grunted, setting the cup down. "You okay, Garrus?"

"I uh… yeah!" Garrus shook his head, coming back to his senses. "Sorry Commander I just thought you might not want to spend the night sleeping in the mess hall…"

Shepard chuckled. "Thanks, I appreciate it."

As she collected the data pads into one neat stack Garrus stepped forward and took a seat across from her. He noticed that the data pads were labeled as top secret information; probably on Saren. However, he didn't want to talk about Saren right now. He had to straighten things out with her. He couldn't keep up in this mission if she thought so little of him…

"Commander can I talk to you?" He asked.

Shepard tilted her head, she was studying him again. "Sure, Garrus, what's on your mind?"

_I hate it when she studies me like that…_

"I uh… I wanted to apologize…" He started. "I've been rather ignorant of everything you've been through in your life and I feel like some things I said were very insensitive-"

"Whoa whoa whoa. Easy Garrus." Shepard said, chuckling again. Garrus hadn't realized that his words were getting faster and more jumbled as he spoke.

"I just… I feel like you might think I'm some dimwitted officer who has problems with authority and rules and…"

"Garrus." Shepard interrupted again. "I don't think that at all."

"I… What?"

"I mean… yes, granted you're a bit naïve but you are smart. I never thought of you as dimwitted. Your work on the Mako always impresses me and your abilities in combat are impressive too."

"Oh…"

Garrus could feel himself blushing, but he was thankful that Turians couldn't show it.

"I just… you seem to lecture me a lot…" He said nervously. "… and I know I say stupid things… I mean… with what happened on Akuze and what happened to your family… I just… what's that human phrase? Eat my foot? Around you…"

Shepard snorted. Garrus had eventually deduced that this was a human way of expressing amusement, mostly because it was often accompanied by laughter. This was the opposite of what Krogan snorting meant, which was anger.

"It's putting your foot in your mouth… and I lecture you because I think you have the potential to be better, Garrus." She said, smiling. "If I thought you were a fool I wouldn't have even bothered bringing you with me in the first place…"

She fidgeted a little with her hands, looking nervous herself now.

"I know… I'm a bit harsh. I'm sorry if I made you feel stupid. I don't have good people skills…"

"What are you talking about?" Garrus asked. "You're a natural leader and always so polite and friendly with people…"

"That's all stuff I learned as a soldier…" She said waving a hand dismissively. "When it comes down to interpersonal communication with someone I tend to be a bit difficult to get along with… I don't open up easily and I use sarcasm and humor as defense mechanisms…"

"Well you just opened up to me." Garrus stated, grinning slightly. "It mustn't be that hard."

Shepard's cheeks turned pink and she kept herself from making eye-contact with him.

"Well I don't know I guess I just like talking to you, Garrus." She said awkwardly.

Garrus chuckled slightly and then there was an awkward silence.

"…Shepard... What are those dots all over your skin called?" Garrus asked before he could stop himself.

"Dots?" Shepard looked at her arm. "Oh! You mean my freckles?"

"Your what?"

"Freckles."

"I'm not even going to try to pronounce that…"

"Hmmm… there must not be a word in Turian vocabulary for them… Your translator probably can't translate it…" Said Shepard, clearly amused.

"I'm guessing that as well…" Grumbled Garrus.

"Well my mother always called them Angel Kisses…" Shepard offered.

"That's better… but kisses are hard enough to pronounce since they weren't always in our vocabulary…"

"What? Why? …ohhhh because you have no lips!"

"Yep… no lips."

"How do you… express affection for one another then?" Shepard asked, tilting her head curiously.

_Really, woman? You're going to make me even MORE uncomfortable?_

"Turians? We nip each other's necks and nuzzle with our foreheads…" Garrus felt himself blushing again, he thanked the spirits yet again for making it impossible for Shepard to see it…

"We do that too but we also kiss. It's nice having lips." Shepard teased.

"Oh shut up."

_Oh fuck! I just told a commanding officer to shut up… what the hell is wrong with me?_

Shepard cackled evilly and clapped her hands together. Garrus smiled and laughed awkwardly as well, mentally heaving a sigh of relief that he didn't make her angry.

"Why do you have five fingers?" He asked, eager to change the subject.

"Hmm?" Shepard looked at her hands. "Evolution. We needed them I guess…"

"But most races in this galaxy evolved with only three fingers…"

Shepard frowned and looked at her hands. "I'll have to get back to you on that, then…" She said, now glaring at her fingers as if they would suddenly reveal the answer to her.

Garrus stood up from the table.

"It's late Shepard." He said. "I need to finish fixing up the Mako for tomorrow and I think we both need sleep."

"Your right." Shepard said, standing up she walked over to him and placed her hand his shoulder. "I'm glad we got that unpleasantness out of the way. I would hate for you to think I don't like you. Because I do. You're a nice guy, Garrus."

Garrus nodded and suddenly he smelled it again. The scent he caught off Shepard back on the Citadel. As she walked away it finally hit him.

_The Ocean!_

Shepard smelled like the ocean. That's why it reminded him of Palaven. Oceans smell the same no matter what planet you're on… It wasn't a sweet smell; it was salty… like ocean air. It was subtle enough to not stink like a harbor and fresh, like the spray from a wave. There was also a hint of plants that grew near beaches… trees or shrubs… he couldn't place it. The more the smell faded away the less he could identify it.

As he walked to the elevator he marveled over how two completely different species from two completely different planets could have something so simple in common. He also wondered how Shepard managed to actually smell like the ocean… He would ask her but even among his species that was considered a little creepy. He decided to keep it to himself. He wanted to smell it again, though. He missed the ocean…


	4. Chapter 4: You Are My Sunshine

Authors Notes:

Okay this title is really freaking obvious (If you read it till the end) and I don't even have it on my iTunes... But I'm not creative.

This is probably the last chapter I'll finish for a while since Skyrim is only a few days from release but its nice and long so enjoy it.

As usual, please point out any errors to me...

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4: You Are My Sunshine.<strong>

_ They are moving… She can hear them… muffled voices… in her parent's room. Breaking glass… thuds... bangs… She doesn't have much time. She removes the bolt lock from the closet door. She pushes it open manually. She stands up. She feels sick; her legs are like rubber… She holds the knife. She won't let it go._

_ She stumbles forward. Out of her room. Into the hall. Down the hall. It's dark outside now… She can see fire in the distance out the window… this can't be real… none of this is real… The front door is just across the-_

_ She freezes. There they were: three bodies. They were in the entryway… the front door was still open… her father, shot through the back of the head… Her mother shot through the front of the head… Her baby sister… Shot through the belly… accidental shot, they would have wanted to keep her… she was young enough to be mentally reprogrammed into a slave… She falls back, against the wall. No… this isn't happening… this can't be happening… None of this is real… _

_ Footsteps. One of them is suddenly beside her, holding her mother's jewelry box. He stops dead. Both sets of his eyes land on her. Staring at her like he thinks she's a hallucination. She can hear her own blood pounding in her ears. This is real… Her family was murdered… those monsters did it… and one of them stands before her holding her mother's possessions… _

_And then she breaks. _

* * *

><p><em>One hundred and two degrees Fahrenheit… Wind northeast… a light breeze at best but still enough to take note of… Two Geth rocket troopers and one Geth Destroyer… They have yet to detect us. I gotta make this shot count. Take out one rocket trooper with one head shot and that's one less projectile we have to worry about… deep breath… aim… aim… <em>

Shepard didn't have time to pull the trigger. Through her scope she saw the rocket trooper take a single shot to the head and fall to the ground.

"What the-?" Shepard looked up from her sniper rifle. "Who friggin did that?"

Her question was answered when she saw Garrus crouched behind rock not far from her, his own sniper rifle drawn and steaming from its recent shot.

"Garrus… what the hell! Why didn't you tell me you were a sniper? And why did you steal my kill!"

"I can't help it if you're not fast enough lining up your shots Commander." Garrus teased.

"Hey Garrus I figured out why humans have five fingers."

"Why?"

Shepard held up her middle finger at him and returned to looking down her rifle scope at the two remaining Geth now fast approaching them.

"You know Turians have no idea what that means right?" Garrus asked looking down his scope as well.

"It means Fuck You. There, now you know." Shepard said flatly. She fired and the second rocket trooper fell, just as a rocket whistled past her ear and exploded behind her.

"Somehow I doubt that was the evolutionary purpose." Garrus said, shooting at the destroyer's leg, making it stumble slightly.

"What makes you think that?"

"Well I think most of your ancestors who used that gesture probably wouldn't have lived long enough to procreate."

Shepard took another shot but missed the now limping destroyer by mere centimeters.

"Is that a threat, Officer Vakarian?"

"No Ma'am, just scientific reasoning."

"I'll figure out the real reason one day. Just you watch." Shepard said with a smirk, taking another shot before Garrus could, penetrating the Geth's small head and causing it to flop lifelessly to the ground like the others. She stood up and gave a satisfied sigh, picking up her rifle.

"Two to one!" She said, grinning at Garrus.

"Oh we're counting?" Garrus asked, tilting his head, his eyes flashing mischievously.

"Just sniper rifle kills." Shepard ran her fingers through her hair, combing it out of her face. "If we counted physical and assault rifle kills it wouldn't be fair to you."

"Jesus! Enough with the pissing contest you two!" Lieutenant Alenko barked from behind them. He was clearly not as amused as they were. Most likely due to him not being able to use a sniper rifle and therefore having to sit back and watch them do all the work, and subsequently have all the fun. It also appeared that he had taken most of the rocket explosion from the way his face was blackened on one side and his hair was sticking out in every direction.

"If this was a pissing contest, Alenko, I would be at a severe anatomical disadvantage." Shepard said, raising her eyebrows. "Or…" She looked at Garrus, who had his arms folded, grinning a wide Turian grin with flared mandibles. "Never mind I don't want to know… Move out!"

The three of them walked back to the Mako, now that the path to the vehicle tunnel leading to Dr. T'soni's dig site was clear; Shepard trying desperately to stop contemplating male Turian anatomy out of sheer curiosity. She was having fun, though. The first time in a long time she was having fun on an assignment. Garrus got her sense of humor which was a rare find for her these days. As she started the tank back up she found herself thinking how interesting it was that she had found a kindred spirit in someone who wasn't even the same species as her.

"Shepard just because I don't run into a gunfight, flailing and punching with one hand while spraying assault rifle bullets with the other, like you doesn't mean I'm not as good at taking enemies down as you are." Garrus said in a low tone as they drove through the tunnel. Kaiden made an irritated noise from behind them. Shepard ignored him and attributed his crankiness to him having to sit in the back seat too.

"I never said you weren't." She replied, grinning. "I just said counting them wouldn't be fair to you since my methods are faster."

"You know this means war right?"

"Oh I hope so!"

They emerged from the tunnel and drove through the volcanic road winding through Therum. Shepard was getting tired of trying to find the ruins where Dr. T'soni was located, these roads seemed to go on forever. Garrus nudged Shepard's ribs slightly. She looked at him and realized he was handing her a water bottle.

"We need to stay hydrated, Commander."

He handed one back to Kaiden as well.

"Thanks, Garrus. I'm not really used to heat... oh for the love of-"

She turned a corner to find the road had gone into a canyon and it was blocked by checkpoint gates. The gates were closed and re-enforced by Geth turrets. The Geth had gotten there before them and closed it off.

"I don't think we can take that strongpoint head on…" Said Kaiden.

"Pshh! We'll be fine!" Shepard said, grinning. She hit the gas and the Mako sped up towards the gates.

"What the hell are you doing?" Garrus cried out, panicking.

They reached an area where the canyon narrowed slightly, only a precious thirty yards from the turrets. Shepard hit the brakes and spun the Mako so when it stopped it was facing the canyon walls. She threw it into park, grabbed her sniper rifle and leapt out of the tank, taking cover behind one of its large tires.

"Shepard! Are you Insane?" Kaiden shouted from inside.

"Maybe, but this is more fun!" Shepard replied as a rocket fired from one of the turrets hit the tank, the shields absorbed the blast.

She crouched and aimed her rifle at the turrets from under the Mako. By the time she had fired her first shot, Garrus was beside her, taking cover behind another wheel and firing his rifle in the same crouched position as her.

"Don't even think you're taking all these down by yourself." He growled playfully. "Nice try though: Pulling a suicidal stunt to add to your score, thinking I would be too afraid to follow suit."

"Great, you two are turning a pissing contest into a game of chicken. Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to be the one who ends up getting hurt the most?" Kaiden grumbled as he slid out and took cover behind the third set of wheels on the Mako.

"You can stay in the tank if it's too scary for you, Kaiden." Shepard teased.

In the distance a turret exploded after being filled with sniper rounds.

"Three to one!" Shepard shouted triumphantly.

Garrus didn't even seem to notice. He shot another turret to the point of exploding and as it did, the turret beside it exploded from the force of the blast.

"Three to three." He said, simply.

"Oh, you lucky asshat!" Shepard snapped. She began firing like crazy as more rockets blasted the side of the tank, causing the shields to finally fail. "Shit!"

The last turret exploded and Shepard looked at Garrus. She wasn't sure if her bullets destroyed it or if Garrus's did.

"Was that me or was that you?" she asked, taking a breather. Garrus shrugged.

"It was me!" Kaiden growled, holding up his smoking pistol.

"Nice shooting Alenko." Shepard said with a grin.

She was half expecting him to roll his eyes at her and say something about how they should quit now while the score was even but instead he blushed and nodded.

"T-Thank you Ma'am." He mumbled.

Just as the shields of the Mako regenerated, there was a loud rattling noise and they all looked in the direction of the gates. They had been activated and had started to recede into the ground. Shepard gripped her sniper rifle and stood still, watching. As the gates reached the ground they could see numerous Geth on the other side, inside the small fortress, all facing them and ready to fire.

"Okay _now _we need to be inside the tank…!" Said Shepard hurriedly, pulling the door up and ushering her squad mates in.

She threw the tank into reverse as the door hissed shut and stepped on the gas, turning it back to face the oncoming Geth forces. She pressed her foot on the break and engaged the targeting system of the tank, picking a Geth to lock on to. Their ears were suddenly bombarded by the loud rattling of the tank's main Gatling gun as it tore through the front line of their synthetic enemies as if they were made out of tissue paper. Shepard held the gun controls with a wicked grin on her face. She pulled a separate trigger and several Geth fried on the spot while others were blown away by the blast from the tank's rockets. The Gatling gun then made quick work of the remaining stragglers. Shepard stepped on the gas and drove directly past the gates, into the strongpoint. There were still a few Geth waiting inside but they were promptly run down and crushed under the Mako's wheels.

"You know those don't count towards your score right?" Garrus asked.

"Yeah I know, smartass." Shepard said, rolling her eyes. She hopped back out of the Mako to survey the situation.

"There are still some supply crates left in here… And the gate on the far end is closed; we need to find the release switch to get back on the road." She stated.

"It should be in one of those buildings on either side of the gate." Garrus added, jumping out of the tank after her.

"Garrus, check the building on the right." Shepard ordered. "I'll check the one on the left. Kaiden, see if you can salvage supplies from the remaining crates and we'll meet back here when the gate is open. Move out!"

They made quick work of the checkpoint camp. Kaiden salvaged what supplies he could, Garrus found nothing in the building he was assigned to search and Shepard found the gate release. Within five minutes they were back on the road. They only encountered a few more Geth before the road came to a dead end and the only way forward was a path that they could only take on foot up through the rocky volcanic ledge.

They walked through the heated rocks, Shepard very thankful for Garrus's water bottle idea as she needed it desperately in this heat. Eventually they arrived at an open valley where Shepard could see the dig site on the far end at the top of yet another hill. The Geth had set up sniper towers across the valley with a few shock troopers on the ground. Shepard and Garrus smirked at each other as they surveyed the scene before them and within moments they had set up their rifles at two separate sniping points.

"Four to three"

"Four to four."

"Six to four."

Shepard had to marvel at how Garrus was able to use the same bullet to kill two Geth standing near one another… he could angle the rifle just right so that it shot through both of them. Shepard had enough difficulty lining up a shot on a single enemy. Her aim was always shaky and she had to concentrate hard to get it to stop. Kaiden cleared the last three Geth, which had closed in on them, with a biotic push.

They moved forward and had nearly reached the entrance to the dig site when the sound of a ship swooping overhead stopped them. A Geth dropship had flown down over them and ejected an armature and more shock troopers. On top of that there were unarmored Geth made of synthetic skin and fluid tubes that jumped around the area at top speed and almost never stood still. They crawled around on all fours and could climb walls. They reminded Shepard of geckos. The armature was a different beast entirely. It was built with heavy plating, stood on four legs and appeared to have a mind of its own despite being a walking tank. The three of them took cover behind large supply crates.

"Okay… No more counting for now… we need to get serious." Shepard said breathlessly. Garrus nodded and Kaiden rolled his eyes. "Garrus, use your rifle to take out the armature. Try using overload to take out its shields… Kaiden, take out those shock troopers… I'll take those hoppers down."

While she was talking a massive ball of pulse energy whizzed past their cover and shattered a crate behind them.

"Damn it! What the hell was that?" Kaiden asked as some shrapnel bounced off his body armor.

"I don't know but I think we should avoid it…" Garrus said dryly.

"Move out!" Shepard ordered.

Garrus ran out to find a vantage point for sniping while Kaiden took cover nearby. Shepard stayed put and took out her assault rifle. She watched the hoppers move around the construction of the dig site, waiting for one to stop. Then finally, one stopped and aimed at her with a laser. They were like mobile sniper rifles but they had to stay still to fire… Shepard didn't give it time to fire. She unloaded multiple assault rifle rounds at it and the hopper fell lifeless from its perch after only a few bullets pierced its unarmored skin.

_That was easy… just got to wait for these spastic fuckers to stand still for a moment… then fire before they do…_

She was watching the remaining hopper so carefully she had almost completely forgotten about the other threats in the area. She didn't even see the ball of pulse energy that was shot straight at her from the armature until it was inches from her face. She dove back behind cover but not before it blasted her side, ripped through her shields and armor and singed her skin. The pain was almost blinding and she cried out, falling over and gasping for breath. She clutched her wound and felt warm liquid soaking into her gloves. She heard someone in her headset scream "Shepard's been hit!" But to her it sounded fifty miles away…

_This wound… It feels familiar… _

Suddenly it all came crashing down on her and she froze. She was paralyzed, for the first time in her entire military carrier she couldn't move. She was sixteen again… bleeding all over and running for her life… only she wasn't… she couldn't move… Her parents and her sister were lying in pools of their own blood. The look of terror on their faces… the motionless, dead bodies… everything was spinning… There was a silhouette of a Geth standing over her. Crap.

"SHEPARD!"

Someone grabbed her, swept her up in their arms and sprinted to safety, firing as they ran. The shots rang in her ears and her head was pounding. She could smell a faint scent of axel grease and another smell she could not identify… Something pinched near her wound, it stung, she whimpered but did not cry out. Then her vision began to clear, the pain was subsiding and the bleeding stopped. She looked up to see Garrus holding her; he had injected medigel into her and now her wounds were healing.

"I'm sorry Shepard…" He gasped, looking terrified. "I-I took it out but it shot at you just before it went down… I couldn't stop it…"

She sat up and looked at her injury. It was actually a lot smaller than it felt though she did seem to have lost a lot of blood…

"I froze…" She said softly as her shields regenerated. "I couldn't move… I could have run to safety but I didn't…"

"No! Shepard don't-"

Shepard held up her hand and Garrus stopped mid-sentence.

"Thank you Garrus… I appreciate it…" She said, getting shakily to her feet. The last of the Geth had fallen and Alenko rushed up to them.

"Commander! Are you okay!" He cried, grabbing her arm to assist her standing up. Shepard stumbled, dizzy from blood loss and he grabbed her other arm. "You should sit down!"

"I'm fine, lieutenant!" Shepard snapped, pushing him away. She blinked and shook her head and the dizziness subsided. "Come on, let's keep moving."

She walked through the construction site to the dig site entrance, not even glancing back to make sure Garrus and Kaiden were following. She wasn't mad at them, she was mad at herself. She never froze up like that and she had never had flashbacks like that before… That wound was in an unfortunate familiar spot… still, all the medical treatments she was given stopped the flashbacks, until now… regardless she couldn't let that happen again. _Never_ again…

She suddenly noticed that Garrus was at her side. He wasn't trying to stop her, coddle her, insist that she rest, he was simply walking with her. He still had that faint smell of axel grease and something else… It was what she smelled from the steam of an overheated thermal clip… he literally smelled like a fired rifle… not a bad smell but an odd one… He just naturally smelled that way?

She suddenly realized she was staring at him while thinking this and as they reached the door to the underground portion of the site he noticed it and looked at her. She quickly looked away but had caught a glimpse of his ice blue eyes… they looked at her with such warmth and determination it made her feel safe, like he would always have her back. It was something she had never really felt before and she liked it.

* * *

><p>"Turians don't like the cold… did I ever tell you that, Shepard?" Garrus asked as he looked out the windows in the Normandy Bridge at the frozen planet below them.<p>

"Humans don't like it either but we deal with it." Said Joker.

"Palaven is a hot planet, Joker." Said Shepard. "Turians don't have natural insulation like humans because they never needed it."

"That's lucky… live in the tropics and never get fat? Why can't I be a Turian?" Joker complained.

"_Anyway…_ Garrus you don't have to come if you don't want to." Said Shepard as Garrus turned to look at her. "We're just going down on Mavigon to take out that crime lord's base that Helena Blake told us about and then we'll be off to Noveria."

"Our armor is heated for a reason, Commander. I want to come." Garrus stated.

"Well you better make up your minds soon because the radar is showing a storm coming in… you have about 45 minutes, tops…" Said Joker.

"How long will it last?" Asked Shepard.

"Twelve hours… want to wait it out?"

Shepard shook her head.

"We'll get things done down there before the storm hits. Come on Garrus, get ready and tell Tali to meet us at the Mako."

"Commander…" Said the newest addition to their crew; Dr. Liara T'soni, a young Asari. "I do not wish to question your strategic thinking but I would like to accompany you this time…"

She shot Garrus a nervous glance before looking back at Shepard.

"Perhaps Tali could sit this one out this time…"

Shepard shook her head.

"I need my tech experts on infiltration missions, not biotics. Let's go Garrus."

Garrus nodded and followed the Commander off the bridge. Liara watched them leave with a disappointed expression on her face but frankly Garrus didn't care. Since they picked her up on Therum Liara had been utterly fawning over Shepard and it made him feel sick to his stomach to watch her give the Commander such sappy looks. Shepard ignored her, exactly like she did Alenko but the amount of ass-kissing they did made Garrus feel like they were eventually going to get priority in missions with Shepard over someone like him with actual skill.

_That's how it always worked back in C-Sec. No matter how hard I worked, the shoe-lickers would always get more promotions and higher ranks than me._

He was starting to genuinely like going on missions with the Commander too, and it seemed she liked having him along because she started taking him with her a lot more often. Ever since Therum the two of them had gotten closer. He saved her life and they had developed a way of communicating through sarcastic and witty banter that, though annoying to other crewmates, Garrus enjoyed immensely. This was something he was not willing to give up to people sticking their noses in Shepard's ass.

They had even continued to keep score on kills with their sniper rifles although they reset the score for every new planet they landed on. So far Garrus had out-sniped her on two planets and she had out-sniped him on one. He didn't rub it in her face though, because what she lacked in sniping she made up for with her assault rifle and brute force. He even saw her use a biotic push at one point, something she didn't seem to want to bring attention to.

Shepard said she liked having him along because he was her electronics expert but he knew she also liked having someone to talk to who understood her dry sense of humor. He even managed to make her laugh a few times which he was always glad to see. When she managed to make him or anyone else laugh she would smile with a glow like she had just accomplished her only real mission in life.

He wanted to ask her why she was so willing to make other people happy when she had suffered so much in her life. He also wanted to ask her why the hell she smelled like the ocean. However, he felt that would be overstepping his boundaries, he did enough of that the night he woke her up in the mess hall. Every time she would walk away from him he would get a whiff of that nostalgic scent and suddenly he was lost in his memories of the oceans on Palaven. It was so distracting he would get irritated by it. Sometimes he would lose a good five minutes of work because of daydreaming after her visits and then feel ashamed of himself.

Maybe when she got to know him more he could ask… She did like to come and visit him and listen to him talk about his work at C-Sec. Occasionally he would get a lecture but since he knew she was doing it for his own good he didn't mind them as much.

He went to retrieve Tali and they all met in the Hangar at the Mako. Within 15 minutes they were driving on the planet's surface, snow whipping through the air. It was so thick that the radar flickered on and off occasionally. Also there was a lot of interference in communication back to the Normandy, which made Garrus uneasy.

"If this is normal I'd hate to see what the storms look like…" He grunted.

"Hopefully we'll be done before it hits…" Shepard replied.

"What do we do if it does hit?" Asked Tali

Shepard paused.

"We'll think of something…" She finally said.

"Oh good…" said Garrus, flatly.

They drove towards the hideout location and were slowed considerably by the high winds. What would normally take five minutes was now taking much longer than that. When they got close they were hit with a problem. It was clear the base was on a large hill… a hill coated mostly in rock and ice and it was steep enough that the Mako would have difficulty driving on it. They wasted even more time driving all around the hill looking for a worn down path or something and found nothing.

"We need to just go for it…" Said Garrus.

"I know what I'm doing." Said Shepard, irritably.

"Pull over and ask for directions."

Shepard smacked the side of his helmet and continued driving. Finally she let out a frustrated yell and stepped on the gas, driving straight up the side of the hill. As expected the Mako slowed to a stop near the top because it was too steep. Shepard turned it sideways on the cliff and began driving in that direction instead. The Mako slipped downwards a few times but eventually she found a portion of rock that made the incline less steep. They made it to the top to find the entrance to an underground base that was guarded by three high powered alliance turrets. Everything was almost buried by snow but the turrets were clearly still functional as they all turned in their direction and fired.

"Oh FUCK you!" Shepard shouted and made quick work of the turrets with the tank's guns.

She parked the Mako and they jumped out into the freezing weather. They were only out of the tank for a few moments but Garrus could feel the cold cut right through his heated armor and chill him to the core. They moved quickly into the underground bunker. It was warmer inside but still a bit chilly to Garrus, or it could have been leftover chill from outside; he couldn't tell. They brushed the snow off themselves and made their way into the main room of the bunker. It was full of large containers and starship parts as well as mercenaries working for the crime boss.

The three of them quickly split up and moved through room. The abundant amount of cover made it easy for them to sneak around the mercs and take them out one by one. Garrus used his pistol because he couldn't stand the lack of control he had over an assault rifle. He was never good with shotguns either, his best friends were his pistol and his sniper rifle.

After a while of picking off mercs around corners and sneaking between junk he made it to the back of room only to find Shepard had beat him there. He rounded a corner and saw her smash in the skull of the crime boss with the back of her assault rifle and he flopped lifelessly to the floor. There was something almost sadistic about how she fought in close combat. When she got too close to an enemy her eyes would get glassy and she would pulverize them mercilessly, almost as if her spirit left her body. When they fell, however, she would return to normal and keep moving without a backwards glance; like she did now.

They had all met up in the back of the room where there was a door to a corridor beyond it. The corridor ended with a door to a perpendicular corridor leading to two separate smaller rooms. One room was packed full of supplies that they salvaged and the other was clearly living quarters judging by the tables and bunk beds. When they finished picking the bunker apart for useful items Shepard activated the device in her ear, calling the Normandy.

"Normandy this is shore party. We're ready for pickup."

There was a pause and she frowned. Garrus set his earpiece to Joker's channel and heard nothing but white noise.

"Joker, come in Joker…" Shepard said, a little more anxious.

Nothing, still white noise.

"Shit…" Shepard murmured under her breath.

"The storm couldn't have gotten here already… could it?" Tali asked, nervously.

"I don't know… It took us longer than we thought it would to get here…" said Garrus.

"Fuck!" Shepard swore angrily, flipping through com channels in a vain attempt to find one that could go through the storm.

Garrus checked his Omni-tool. He had no connection to the extra-net and the only devices he could connect to were within the bunker.

"This is a total white-out…" Shepard murmured. "We're stuck here until the storm is over… twelve hours…"

"Keelah…" Tali said softly. "What if the snow buries the entrance to the bunker?"

"Lucky for us there's a lot of wind too so hopefully we won't have to worry about it…" Said Garrus. "There's also enough food rations and other supplies to keep us alive for a lot longer than twelve hours… The mercs were living here after all."

Shepard nodded and looked at the clock on her Omni-tool.

"We'll sleep here tonight and by morning the storm will have cleared." She said.

"What about the Mako?" Asked Garrus.

"This place doesn't have a garage so we just have to leave it outside and hope it doesn't blow away." Shepard grumbled.

"Wonderful…" said Garrus, sarcastically.

"We also need throw all the dead bodies outside… it's not healthy to let them rot in here while we sleep…" Said Shepard, waving her hand in front of her face to exemplify the stink of decomp.

They spent the next two hours rounding up the corpses in the main room and piling them in the entrance to the bunker. Then, one by one, they would carry the dead bodies outside and toss them down the hill into the snow. It was hard to walk in the pure white blizzard; Garrus couldn't see two feet in front of him. The only thing that helped him get back to the bunker was the big green light on the entrance.

He tried not to think about the bodies he and his squad mates were dumping either… it was a bit disturbing. This was something criminals usually did, but the bodies themselves were criminals and that made it okay in Garrus's mind. They had also technically killed them in self-defense, as was the case in all their encounters. Their enemies always attacked first. Shepard always made sure that killing was the last option. It was a little frustrating at times but even _he_ had said to Wrex that killing isn't always the answer…

_I guess that's how I'm able to sleep at night…_

When he had finished with the bodies he made his way into the living quarters. Shepard had already taken her armor off, placed a few space heaters around the bunk beds and salvaged plenty of rations for all three of them. There were Turian mercenaries in the group living here so it was logical that they had his type of food. There was even nutrient paste for Tali. Shepard was sitting comfortably at one of the tables in the room, looking through the food; most likely for something she liked to eat.

"These mercs thought of everything didn't they?" He said, sitting down at the table with Shepard.

"Yeah everything but oatmeal…" Said Shepard with a disappointed sigh.

"What now?"

"Oatmeal… it's a human breakfast food… I haven't had it in ages and I was hoping these mercs would have some… no such luck I'm afraid…"

Tali walked in with a large container of water and set it down at the end of the table.

"Thanks Tali." Shepard said with a nod. "I'm going to go check and see if they still have some hidden food stores…"

She stood up and headed out of the living quarters towards the storage room. Garrus watched her walk away. Undersuits always clung almost uncomfortably tight to the skin and Shepard's suit was no exception. As she walked Garrus could easily see every curve of her bony hips, they swayed as she walked in a manner he had never seen before in any female Turians. It was rather hypnotizing. He only watched them for a few moments then his thoughts were interrupted by Tali giggling from behind him. He looked around at her sitting in a chair at the end of the table where she set the water container down. He couldn't see her face through her mask but he knew what she was thinking.

"I wasn't… It's not what you think." He stammered.

"Skin tight suits can be so appealing can they not?" Tali teased.

"I wasn't looking at her in that way. I watch her back, I always do."

"Garrus there's a difference between back and backside."

"What?"

"You like her!"

"I do not! … I mean I do… but not in that way! I respect her!"

"Yes, you respect every part of her, even her curvy human hips…"

"I'm going to poke a hole in your suit I swear!"

"I bet you wish you could poke holes in Shepard's suit."

Garrus snarled and was about to jump across the table and strangle Tali when he heard Shepard's footsteps returning to their room.

"Everything alright?" Shepard asked. "Don't tell me you two are getting cabin fever already?"

"Tali was just shutting up now." Said Garrus, shooting the Quarian a deadly glare. He saw her shake slightly with silent giggles.

_She is full of crap and if she opens her mouth I will END her…!_

"Well if you two do decide to kill each other do it tomorrow. I'm too tired to dump any more bodies right now." Shepard said, flopping back into her seat at the table.

The three of them ate silently, the rations were rather flavorless and stale but it was food and they were all hungry. Garrus kept worrying that Tali would break the silence with some comment about how she thought he felt about Shepard so he decided not to give her any ammunition and not even look at the Commander for the rest of the night, until she put her armor back on. They finished eating and sat there for a few minutes in silence. It was awkward so Tali decided to break the silence.

"This reminds me of the night on the Rayya when the heating failed…" She said, drumming her fingers on the table. "We had plenty of backup heaters but it was still so cold all around… so we sat around heaters and the older members of the crew told us stories of the home world…"

"Do you remember any of those stories?" Shepard asked.

"They were ancient stories… normally ones told to children… I don't think you would be interested in them." Tali answered shyly.

Shepard shook her head and stood up.

"Come on. Let's all sit around a heater and tell old stories of our people. Garrus I'm sure your people have some too." She clapped her hands together. "It will be like camping!"

Garrus nodded, anything to get the awkward silence to end.

"What's camping?" Tali asked.

"A very old and stupid human ritual where we go out in the wilderness, away from technology and sleep in tents and cook food over a fire like freaking cave-men." Shepard grumbled. "My dad used to take me and my sister camping all the time and I always hated it…"

She stopped talking. Looking alarmed at what she had just said. Garrus was alarmed too. This was the first he had ever heard her talk about her family. She was re-opening an old wound… or was she really past it?

She shook her head and grabbed pillows off the bunk beds, setting three of them around the heater for them to sit on and took her seat on one. Tali sat on her left and Garrus on her right and they all looked at each other nervously.

"Okay I guess I'll start…" Said Shepard, rolling her eyes. "Let's see… I think my favorite old tale from my people is The Boy Who Cried Wolf."

"What's a wolf?" Garrus and Tali asked in unison.

Shepard laughed.

"They're the classic human symbol of a predator. They are native animals to earth, found in northern areas… I guess you could say they're like Varren covered in hair."

Garrus and Tali nodded.

"Anyway a young boy would spend nights watching over the village's flock of sheep…"

"Okay what are sheep?" Garrus asked. "Are they covered in hair too?

"Wool… but yes. Ancient humans would sheer off their wool to make clothing with it… They are the basic symbol of innocent prey to humans. Wolves hunt sheep…. and this boy would watch the flock of sheep at night… and he would get really really bored. So, one night he decided to trick the village and start screaming WOLF! WOLF! When the villagers ran up to help him he sat there and laughed at them. The villagers were irritated and they scolded him but he still thought it was funny. So the next night he did the same thing. He screamed WOLF! WOLF! And the villagers ran up to his rescue, to once again find him laughing at them. They were very aggravated with him, as you can imagine. The next night an actual wolf attacked the flock of sheep… The boy screamed WOLF! WOLF! But this time the villagers ignored him, because they refused to be made fools of again… and in the morning they found the boy crying and all the sheep slaughtered by the wolf."

"That's terrible! Your people tell that to your children?" Tali said with a gasp.

"In some versions the boy dies too… the one I told you is the nicer version." Said Shepard, rubbing the back of her head. "The worst version is that it's not the villagers but his own mother that ignores him…"

"Keelah…" Tali murmured.

"My people have a story that we tell to our kids about joining the military…" said Garrus. "It's about two best friends that grow up together: Lauro and Leto. When they are both fifteen Lauro goes off and joins the army. They promise each other that when Lauro becomes a big hero he will come back and share his riches with Leto. Leto stays at home and waits, he finds a life mate, has children but they are buried in debt and he can't find a job to support his family so they live in poverty for many many years. His mate leaves him and he is all alone. Then one day Lauro returns. He's made a great living but he worked hard for it and he doesn't want to just give it away to someone who hasn't worked for it at all. Leto, however, is expecting Lauro to lavish him with riches… when Lauro doesn't Leto loses his mind and tries to kill Lauro and take his money. Lauro is forced to kill Leto in self-defense. Lauro feels horrible that he had to kill he best childhood friend so he finds Lauro's mate and children and takes them in, raising the children as his own. He dies in the line of duty and leaves everything to them. When the children grow up they had forgotten all about Leto and joined the army just like Lauro, who was a hero to them."

"Well I guess that's why so many Turian kids join the military… That could be misconstrued as brainwashing, though…" Said Shepard.

"To Humans maybe… but to Turians if you join the military you go higher in the hierarchy so we're really better off doing so."

Shepard chuckled.

"Humans in the military are always thought of as brainless meat-heads… Like if you can't get a normal job you join the military…"

"That's unfortunate… I'm sure if more humans saw you they would change their tone…" Said Garrus. Tali made a noise that sounded like another giggle but she stifled it with a cough.

"I'm a marine though… we're always regarded much higher than basic army members…" Said Shepard. "Mostly because we are much more disciplined and we need more intelligence and strength to become marines."

Garrus nodded.

"What about you Tali?" Shepard asked. "Any stories you want to share?"

"There is no greater story we have than the one about the Geth banishing us from our home world…" Said Tali, shaking her head.

Garrus and Shepard had already heard this story and Garrus could tell Shepard was disappointed.

"What about the stories your elders tell you?" Shepard asked.

"They are only stories of what life was like before the flotilla, before we needed these suits…" Said Tali. "I think my favorite story is the one I was told about the Ocean…"

Garrus felt his stomach clench. Did Tali know? Was she still trying to screw with him?

"I know Oceans are vast bodies of water on planets, they are filled with sodium and other minerals and billions of life forms…" Tali continued. "They are like entire galaxies in themselves and swimming… swimming is like flying through these galaxies with no spaceships… and no space suits… Of course you can't breathe under water but when you hold your breath and dive down into the coral reefs… It's like you're in another, beautiful world full of mystery and things you've never seen before…"

"I grew up near an Ocean… "Said Shepard softly, staring off as if she was saying it more to herself than anyone else.

_That could explain it… _

Tali tilted her head.

"What was it like?" She asked.

"Well my colony was in more of a temperate zone so there were no coral reefs where I lived… The ocean was so cold that we could only swim in it during the hottest days of the hot season… There wasn't much life under the water but it was so clear it seemed to go on forever… I always wondered what was out there… Most of the species in Earth's oceans are mapped out but Mindior… it was a complete mystery… "

Shepard looked at Tali, her head was hung and they both knew she was feeling upset since she never experienced that sort of thing.

"We could never swim out very far, there were riptides." Shepard continued, glancing nervously at Garrus. "Get caught in one of those and you get pulled down and out to sea and your good as dead…"

"There were lots of Reefs on Palaven…" Said Garrus. "But almost everything in them is poisonous so we had to avoid them. Really, Tali you aren't missing much."

Tali Laughed.

"Thanks you two…" She said.

They talked a lot for another hour or so and then they all decided it was time to sleep. Shepard activated the heaters around the bunk beds. Garrus removed his armor so he could sleep in his undersuit. Tali and Shepard decided to share a bunk bed. Tali wanted to sleep on the top bunk to see what it was like. Garrus took the bottom bunk of the bed on Shepard's left. When Shepard shut the lights down in the living quarters the low orange lights on the heaters still illuminated the beds slightly. Garrus found it oddly relaxing. They had all settled in and then Tali spoke up from the bunk she claimed above Shepard.

"Shepard… is it true that you Humans have a tradition of singing songs to each other before you go to sleep?"

Shepard laughed.

"Would you like a lullaby, Tali?" She asked, teasing.

"I'm not sure I understand…"

"Humans sing lullaby's to our young to get them to go to sleep. They grow out of it, eventually."

"What does a lullaby sound like?" Tali asked.

"Well I don't know very many…" Said Shepard, Garrus saw her face had become very serious. "But… There was one I would sing to my little sister… every night from when she was three until she was seven… Mom would read her a book but she would refuse to go to sleep until I sang to her… I still have it memorized."

"Tali, Shepard's family is a painful subject-" Garrus began but Shepard interrupted him.

"It's fine Garrus." Said Shepard, she was looking at him with a soft smile. "Really it's okay… I kind of want to sing it again…"

"I want to hear it!" Said Tali, unable to contain her excitement.

Shepard laid back in her bed, staring up at the bottom of the bunk above her. Then she opened her mouth and began to sing, softly.

_You Are My Sunshine  
>My only sunshine.<br>You make me happy  
>When skies are grey.<br>You'll never know, dear,  
>How much I love you.<br>Please don't take my sunshine away_

_The other nite, dear,  
>As I lay sleeping<br>I dreamed I held you in my arms.  
>When I awoke, dear,<br>I was mistaken  
>And I hung my head and cried.<em>

_You are my sunshine,  
>My only sunshine.<br>You make me happy  
>When skies are grey.<br>You'll never know, dear,  
>How much I love you.<br>Please don't take my sunshine away._

_I'll always love you  
>And make you happy<br>If you will only say the same  
>But if you leave me<br>To love another  
>You'll regret it all some day;<em>

_You are my sunshine,  
>My only sunshine.<br>You make me happy  
>When skies are grey.<br>You'll never know, dear,  
>How much I love you.<br>Please don't take my sunshine away._

There was a moment of silence. Garrus was awestruck. Not only at the fact that the commander could sing so beautifully with only one set of vocal chords but at the fact that her little sister loved such a horribly depressing song.

"That… That's so sad…" Said Tali, Garrus could hear her choking back tears behind her mask.

Shepard smiled and Garrus could see the glint of a tear running down her cheek.

_Damn it, Tali… why did you make Shepard sing that!_

"Yeah well… Children never really understand the song they just like how it sounds…" Said Shepard, quickly wiping the tear away with her blanket.

"What… What happened to your little sister?" Asked Tali.

"She died when she was ten… my whole family did…"

"Keelah… I'm so, so sorry… I-"

"It's okay Tali… I like remembering them sometimes… happy memories are what keep us going. They keep me going. If people don't have any happy memories… It damages them…"

Garrus kept silent and stared at the bunk above him. He didn't want to look at Shepard right now. If he saw her crying again it would hurt him even more. Though, he didn't lose any respect for her for it… in fact, he respected her even more now that he knew she could cry like any other person… What hurt him was the fact that he could do nothing to stop her pain…

_Wait… why do I care so much about that? What if… what if Tali is right?_ _What if I do have feelings for her? What if I'm turning into some drooling over-protective sap like Alenko?_

He mentally shook the thoughts from his mind. She was a human, he was a Turian. They don't mix. They never do. The fact that he could even be attracted to a member of another species that was so completely different from his own was ludicrous. No, the Commander was his leader, the greatest leader he ever had, but that was all. Nothing more.


	5. Chapter 5: Monkey on the Wall

yeeey... chapter 5

Just so people know... I plan for there to be eight chapters in this part of the fic. I don't know how many chapters will take place during Mass Effect 2 and 3 (for obvious reasons)

also I like this chapter name even though its not a song on my playlist... or even a song at all so FUCK IT! I'm naming them whatever I want now!

Enjoy... Fans that I'm very surprised I even have :B

* * *

><p><em>She feels it in her mind… like a pane of glass shattering. White hot rage pulses through her body and mind… she can't hear, her blood is rushing through her ears with a deafening roar… Suddenly it's as if her soul left her body completely… She sees what she is doing… She knows what she is doing. But she can't stop herself… or maybe she doesn't want to… She doesn't care. She's numb. There's nothing left of her.<em>

_Before the Batarian can even react she is on him, she sinks the kitchen knife deep into his neck. He doesn't scream. She must have severed his vocal chords…The box of jewelry falls to the floor with a clatter, her mother's necklaces and earring scatter. She raises the knife and brings it down again, and again. He wears armor that she cannot penetrate with it but his face and neck are open and vulnerable. His blood splatters her shirt and face. They have red blood, like humans… only darker… His blood spills everywhere. He lies dead on the floor beneath her, his face a slaughtered mess. She pulls the pistol from his waist and aims it down the hall. The second slaver emerges from her parent's bedroom. _

"_Charak? What are you-"_

_She pulls the trigger._

_*BANG*_

_She hit his stomach. He doubles over, gagging and gasping in shock. More blood. It's everywhere. The pistol is hot; it kicked back when she fired. She holds it steadier this time… _

_*BANG* _

_Straight through his head. He falls to the floor, motionless. _

_ She doesn't care. They took her life, now she will take theirs… They will all die. _

* * *

><p>By the time Shepard and her crew emerged from the Thorian's lair, Night had fallen on the colony of Zhu's Hope. It was a clear night. Both of the moons of Feros were full and shined so bright, Shepard had almost mistaken it for daylight after being underground for an extended period of time. The dust in the planet's atmosphere added an unsettling glow.<p>

Shepard looked up at the starry sky and felt her head spin. She had just had the Cipher from the Thorian drilled into her head as forcibly as the Prothean beacon's vision… ironically to understand the message of the beacon better. It was still a jumble of disturbing images that showed the Protheans being wiped out by the Reapers fifty-thousand years ago… however, she never actually saw the Reapers… or did she? The vision had only given her the knowledge that synthetics were killing people... the images were too vague to identify what anything really looked like…

This time, though, she saw something even more disturbing. She saw Saren's ship, Sovereign, the insect-like dreadnought that was taking off from Eden Prime… She saw it in the vision, the one thing that was clear as daylight. What disturbed her even more was the fact that there was no connection to Saren in the vision so it couldn't have been an accidental memory from Shiala, the Asari that transferred the Cipher to her mind. That ship was part of the message from the Protheans… which meant it was connected to the Reapers… which meant Saren was further in his plans than any of them thought… he was possibly using a Reaper's ship…

Shepard stumbled, her head was aching and she could feel her stomach churning uncomfortably… Wrex grabbed the back of her armor before she fell over and she regained her balance. She nodded at him and he nodded in return. There were never many words spoken between them.

_Fuck me, I'm gonna hurl again… and in front of everyone…uughhh_

"Are you alright, Commander?" Shiala asked, having followed them to the surface after they saved her from the Thorian.

"Yeah…" Shepard mumbled, trying not to open her mouth too much. "Just… a little woozy… I need to sit down for a bit…"

She found a block of concrete beside one of the two buildings in the small colony and sat on it, leaning back against the structure and staring up at the sky. She took deep breaths.

_In through your nose… out through your mouth. Relax… _

Sovereign… Matriarch Benezia called it that… That massive ship that made her very uneasy. Benezia had tried to reason with Saren, get him to stop his destructive campaign but as soon as she boarded Sovereign she had already lost… The ship somehow made Sovereign able to Indoctrinate people… make them slaves to his will… and Benezia was no exception. She fought the Indoctrination on Noveria long enough to help them get the information they needed but eventually succumbed to it… They were forced to kill her. It wouldn't have been so hard if Benezia wasn't Liara T'soni's mother.

Benezia and Saren were looking for something called "The Conduit." Apparently it was going to help the Reapers return… A sound clip of them talking about it was all it took for Shepard to prove Saren was a traitor to the council. A sound clip that Tali had provided them with… on Noveria Benezia received the location of the Mu Relay from a Rachni Queen. The Mu Relay apparently went somewhere that held the Conduit… Where it was past the relay was beyond her… She thought the Cipher would help her get more information but all it did was give her more cloudy images, a picture of Sovereign, a headache and a stomachache….

At least releasing the Rachni Queen made her feel good about saving an endangered species… but this mission only left her feeling like crap. The Thorian had gained control of all the colonist's minds and they had attempted to kill her and her squad… she saved all of them with a knockout gas but the leader of the colony, Fai Dan, committed suicide right in front of her to stop the Thorian from making him kill her… if he had waited two seconds she could have knocked him out too…

The Thorian itself was just nauseating to think about. It was an ancient, massive, sentient plant… though parts of it looked more like flesh than plant matter. It created humanoid shaped abominations made of plant and flesh that it used to attack her… along with clones of Shiala, who it was holding inside some sort of sack… It created these things by vomiting them grotesquely from what appeared to be a mouth… or a hole or something… covered in slime and other… fluids…

Shepard closed her eyes. She heard Shiala and her squad mates conversing with the colonists.

_Good… they're distracted… there's no way my stomach is letting me sit this out… I need to find a bathroom now… _

She ran inside the structure behind her, which was actually part of a downed freighter the colonists were using as a home. It didn't take her long to locate the lavatory where she expelled the contents of her stomach into the nearest toilet, closing the stall door behind her. A few dry-heaves later she flushed it and sat back against the wall of the bathroom stall, trembling and breathing heavily.

"Shepard? Are you okay?"

"Ladies room Garrus! Get out!"

"I'm not IN there I'm just outside the washroom door."

_Fuck! I left it open… _

She sighed and accepted the embarrassment of being caught at a moment of weakness… Lord knows he's caught her every other time…

"So you saw that huh?" She grumbled.

"Well I saw you running and then I heard you coughing and gagging into that toilet." Said Garrus.

"What? Don't Turians vomit?"

"We do but not that noisily…"

"Well aren't you special…"

"Well you sound okay now…" Garrus grunted. Shepard heard him lean against the wall outside the door when his armor hit it with a small tap.

"Don't tell anyone, alright?" Shepard asked in a softer tone, hoping it would get through to him enough so that he actually wouldn't.

"Don't worry Shepard. I'm good at keeping secrets." Said Garrus, Shepard heard amusement in his voice. "I still haven't told anyone how good you are at singing lullabies."

"If you value your manhood I suggest you keep it that way…" Shepard growled.

Garrus chuckled.

"I'll meet you back at the ship, Commander. I'll tell Wrex you ordered us to."

Shepard shut her eyes and nodded, then realized Garrus couldn't see her nodding through the stall door.

"Hey Garrus?" She murmured.

"Hm?"

"Thanks…"

"That's what friends are for Commander." He said, simply. Then she heard his footsteps disappear out of the building.

Shepard sighed again and stumbled out of the stall. She washed her face in the sink and rinsed her mouth out numerous times.

_Friends… I always do this… I get close to people, they'd follow me anywhere, and then they end up dead and I get my heart broken again… I just can't stand being distanced from my crew… if they are going to follow orders and watch my back I want them to trust me as much as I trust them… _

Shepard rubbed her face dry with a nearby towel and stared at herself in the mirror.

_Garrus, Tali, Liara, Kaiden, Ash, Wrex… This mission is only going to get worse… I couldn't stand to lose any of you… Especially Garrus… I've never met anyone who has always been there for me like he is… damn it, why do I do this to myself?_

Her head was still throbbing and she looked paler than normal. At least she felt a little better letting her stomach have its way… She left the building, said her goodbyes to Shiala and the members of the colony, wishing them luck, and then headed back to the Normandy. After a shower and writing up her report to the council on the events that occurred on Feros she headed to the conference room. Her crew was all there, waiting for her.

"Commander?" Liara spoke as Shepard entered. "You look… Pale. Are you suffering any ill effects from the Cipher?"

"It shook me up a bit, yeah…" She said, taking her seat.

"I might be able to help you." Said Liara. "I am an expert on the Protheans. If I join my consciousness to yours maybe we can make some sense of it…"

Shepard sighed, she might as well get used to having her brain probed. With all the information jammed in there it was probably going to happen a lot.

"Go ahead." She said, standing up and walking over to Liara, who stood up as well.

She looked into Liara's eyes, like she had with Shiala. it was how Asari melded minds with others. Liara closed her eyes.

_Here it comes… guh…_

"Relax Commander." Liara opened her eyes again and they had turned black, like black holes. Shepard could feel her consciousness being sucked into them. "Embrace Eternity!"

Shepard felt as if the images from the beacon were being pulled out of her mind and being sifted through rapidly. The images of people dying, synthetics, burning flesh, screaming, roars, death, destruction then… Sovereign.

Suddenly Liara let go and Shepard's consciousness came crashing back down to the conference room. She let out a low gasp but her body felt significantly better now for some reason, she didn't lose her balance. Instead of having information forced in, it was like Liara had cleaned her brain. Whatever Liara had done with the vision and the Cipher she had made it much easier for Shepard's mind to accept. Her headache was completely gone along with her nausea. She could look at the images in her head and recall the knowledge they provided without any pain.

"That was… Incredible!" Liara exclaimed. "All my research… all this time… Yet I never dreamed… I'm sorry. The images were so vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so… intense."

"Yeah well… welcome to my world…" Shepard grumbled.

"You are remarkably strong-willed, Commander." Said Liara. "What you've been through… What you've seen, would have destroyed a lesser mind…"

"Did you see anything?" Kaiden Interrupted.

"The beacon on Eden Prime must have been badly damaged." Liara responded. "Large parts of the vision are missing. The data transferred into the commander's mind is incomplete."

"So… we're back where we started?" Shepard asked, irritated.

"Quite the opposite, Commander." Liara replied. "I think my knowledge of the Protheans will prove useful before this is over… I was able to interpret the data relayed through your vision. What was there, at least. But something was missing… Saren must have the missing information. Maybe he found another beacon. If we can find the missing data from your vision I can-"

Liara stumbled and gasped.

"whoah…" She murmured.

"Are you okay?" Shepard Asked.

"I'm sorry… The joining is… exhausting. I should go to the med bay and lie down for a moment…"

"We're done here… Dismissed." Shepard announced.

"I've sent off the Feros report, Commander. You want me to patch you through to the Council?" Joker asked over the intercom.

Shepard smirked.

"Patch 'em through, Joker." She responded.

"Setting up the link now, Commander."

She had decided to contact to council in her traditional manner.

The three councilors were connected to the Normandy and appeared in holographic form in the back of the meeting room where she waited for them.

"Commander, do NOT cut me off like last time. I fail to find it amusing… "

By the time the Asari councilor had said this, Shepard had already hit the disconnect button on the nearby control panel.

"Whoops!" She said as the councilors' holograms flickered and vanished.

"Aaaand… we're out!" Joker snickered, over the intercom. "That never gets old, does it?"

Shepard chuckled to herself and walked out of the room. She hadn't even rounded the corner when she bumped into Garrus who was waiting for her just outside the conference room door.

"Raptor!" She blurted out in surprise.

"What?"

"Nothing-What's up Garrus?"

She motioned for him to walk with her as she headed down to the deck below.

"Commander, remember when I told you about Dr. Saleon?" Garrus asked.

"The black market organ trader slash doctor who grew new organs in his test subjects… Yeah I remember."

"Well I've been trying to locate him ever since he escaped the Citadel and I finally got a location."

Shepard turned to him when they reached the lift and leaned against the wall.

"I figured you wouldn't let someone that dangerous just get away…" She said with a small smirk. "Give me the coordinates."

"I was hoping you would say that…" Said Garrus, rubbing the back of his neck and powering up his Omni-Tool, sending the information to her. "He's been working on a cruiser under the name Dr. Heart."

"Nyahah… Cute…" Shepard said, dryly, looking at the coordinates that had just shown up on her own Omni-tool.

"Obviously it's a joke about his line of work…" Garrus grumbled.

Shepard patted the Turian on the shoulder.

"Don't worry we'll get him. I'll give the coordinates to Joker."

He looked down into her eyes and nodded.

"Thanks Shepard…" He said.

There was a moment of awkward silence in which they merely looked at each other. Shepard kept her hand on his shoulder and the sound of the lift opening caused them both to jump.

"I uh… See you later!" Said Garrus, quickly, walking into the lift. The door shut behind him and Shepard sighed.

"Wait!" Said Shepard, stepping on the lift door to keep it from closing.

"Hm?"

"You work way too hard on that Mako and we have a while… come watch some old vids with me!"

"Uhm… Alright Shepard, that sounds fun." Said Garrus, grinning, he stepped out of the lift.

"I'll go set the vids up and you get some snacks for us alright?" She said, already dashing to her quarters.

"Sure thing!" he called after her.

_I need a friend to watch these vids with… I'm tired of watching them alone and I like Garrus… a lot…_

She sat down at her computer. She gave the coordinates to Joker, and then pulled up her personal files. It was an archive of ancient vids from earth.

In their time they were called Television Shows. Her father owned the archive on the extranet and she had only located it a few years ago. He loved to watch these old cop drama shows… and she loved it too. She picked an episode, projected it on a large holographic screen and jumped into her comfy chair behind her on the wall.

Garrus walked in with snacks for each of them held in his arms. Shepard leaned over and grabbed another chair from her table, pulling it closer to her and patting the seat. Garrus nodded and sat beside her, handing her the snacks he brought in for her.

"What are we watching?" He asked.

"A very old vid from earth… practically two hundred years old…"

"Is it long?"

"About an hour… standard for shows back then…"

"What is it about?"

"Police officers and the drama they encounter in their jobs…"

"Wow… that is old…"

"And yet I love these shows to death…" Shepard said as she tore open the snack bag and grabbed at the tasty cheese-coated chips that lay within.

_How sweet he noticed my favorite snack… _

"I wanted to ask- what the? What the hell is that thing painted on the wall?" Garrus obviously had a conversation planned but the television show proved to be a distraction.

"That is a monkey… native to earth."

"Covered in hair" they said in unison, causing Shepard to chuckle.

_His curiosity is so adorable…_

"They are on the same evolutionary line as humans… they just went in a smaller… less intelligent direction…" She said.

They continued to watch the show, mostly in silence, broken by Garrus's occasional questions.

"So… he's holding the girl hostage so the police will find his little brother?"

"The little brother in the monkey shirt, yes."

"How will he get away with that?"

"He won't."

"Is any of this real?"

"It's based off stuff back then but it didn't actually happen."

_I love the way he can't take his eyes off the screen… he's like a child, experiencing something for the first time…_

"WHAT? The girl was fine all along? That little SHIT!"

"But look! He got his little brother back… awww they're hugging." Shepard gushed.

"That's how it ends?" Garrus said, clearly confused and irritated. "What happens to him? He should be put in jail! He should-"

"Relax, Garrus it's just a show. We're meant to interpret the ending however we want… I'm guessing he did go to jail but at least he got his brother back and they solved two cases at once!"

_He's cute when he's mad too..._

Garrus sat silently for a moment.

_God, why can't I stop looking at him?_

"You humans are so complicated… this… this is fascinating."

Shepard smiled at him.

"Would you like to watch another?"

"Yes I would." He said, looking back at her. She felt herself blush under his gaze.

_Uh-oh… I think I'm in trouble._

* * *

><p>"O-Officer Vakarian?"<p>

Garrus had just sat down to his breakfast when Liara approached him at the table.

"Yes, Doctor?" He said, trying to sound polite.

She sat down across from him, fidgeting with her hands and avoiding eye-contact.

"I uh… I wanted to talk to you about Commander Shepard…"

Garrus's eyes narrowed slightly but he nodded. Liara continued.

"You uh… You spend a lot of time with her and I am worried… She told me she was having nightmares…"

"She did?" Garrus asked, tilting his head.

_Why didn't she tell me herself? Does she trust Dr. T'soni more than me?_

"Yeah I had that one where I was stuck in the McDonalds ball pit again." Shepard's voice came from behind them

Both Garrus and Liara jumped as she walked past them from the lift to her captain's quarters. Meanwhile Garrus heard Ashley snort into her cup of hot liquid over in the kitchen. Liara laughed awkwardly and Garrus shot her an irritated look. He knew she had no more of an idea of what Shepard was talking about than he did and this obvious display of ass-kissing made his patience with the Asari doctor fall a considerable amount. Liara waited until the door to the captain's cabin was closed and then continued.

"I meant… from the images of the beacon and the Cipher…" She said. "I was wondering … if you noticed any ill effects as a result." Liara said, still avoiding eye-contact with him. "Has she been losing her appetite, or… slowed reaction time… dizziness?"

Garrus shook his head.

"No. She's as sharp as the day I met her." He said, simply, perhaps a little harsh because Liara bit her finger nervously.

"I see… I um… Garrus…"

"What?"

He was getting more annoyed. He didn't like Liara using him to probe into Shepard's personal life.

"Has Shepard… talked about me…?"

"Talked about you?"

"I mean… does she say… good things about me to you?"

"If by good you mean she talks about you doing your job well… Then, yes, I guess she does." Garrus knew that wasn't the answer Liara was looking for but it was the truth.

Liara's face saddened a bit.

"Does she talk about Lieutenant Alenko? Say nice things about him?" She asked, sounding a bit bitter.

"She compliments his shooting every once in a while. Says he's a good biotic."

"So nothing… romantic?" Liara's cheeks darkened with a purple Asari blush.

"No."

"About either of us?"

"_No!" _Garrus snapped. Liara jumped in her seat, looking genuinely hurt and terrified. Garrus felt a little ashamed of himself for the outburst but was too annoyed to care.

"Thank you for your time." She said.

She hopped up from her seat and hurried back to her office behind the med bay. Garrus shook his head at her.

"Funny how she didn't notice _your _attraction to the Commander. I'm sure anyone else could see it from the flotilla."

Garrus snarled.

"Can't I just eat my food in peace?"

"Apparently not." Said Tali, flopping down in the seat beside him.

"You're full of shit, Tali. I don't feel that way about her." Garrus growled.

"Then why did you just scare off someone else who likes her like a rabid varren?"

"Because she annoyed me… like some other people seem to enjoy doing…"

"Deny it all you want but one day you're going to realize you can't live without her." Tali said in a mock-dramatic voice.

That did it. Garrus stood from the table, grabbed his food and walked to the lift, shutting the door before Tali could follow him and headed down to eat in peace behind the Mako.

He sat on the floor, leaning back against a tire, thinking as he ate. He certainly respected Shepard; there was no question of that. How would it even be possible for a Turian to have feelings for a human? Turians were evolutionarily programmed to seek out others of their species for a mate, so attraction to another species should be physically impossible. In fact, it was the same story with humans… and every living species in the galaxy besides the Asari… Come to think of it… Every species seems to have the ability to find Asari attractive even though the Asari are the only ones that actually in need of interspecies relationships for genetic variety. No one looks twice when a Turian or Krogan or anyone pairs with an Asari… so why is finding any other species attractive so far-fetched? Turians have long moved past the need to seek the mate with the best chance of producing offspring that can survive and instead have looked for respect, intelligence and similar interests in mates. Although looks have never been ruled out either…

In terms of looks… what did he think of Shepard? Her eyes… they were fascinating to him. Turian eyes were small and their colors were often mixed. It was rare to find a Turian with eyes such a vibrant, solid color like Shepard's. It was common among humans but Garrus often saw brown or dull colored eyes in the humans he met, not the bright green color that Shepard had. He also liked the dots on her skin; they reminded him of the scales on Turian skin, found where their leathery skin met their armored plates. He wanted to touch them, see what they felt like… were they raised bumps or flat? Were they just different colored spots of skin? Her skin was so smooth and soft looking too, that was unheard of among Turians but it didn't bother Garrus. It made him curious. Another reason he wanted to see what her skin felt like… how it stretched so softly across her bony wrists and fingers…

He closed his eyes, entertaining thoughts of running his rough talon hands along her pointed elbow and down her soft arm… across the gentle wrinkles on her knuckles and her smooth, dulled nails at her fingertips… maybe even touching her rounded cheeks, then her nose, then the swollen red stretchy pieces of skin called lips that protected her mouth and yet somehow looked so vulnerable… so tender he could probably cut through them with just a slight application of pressure from his claw…

"What's the matter? Lose your appetite?"

Garrus jumped at the sound of the Commander's voice. His breakfast fell from his lap and spilled on the floor to his left. He cursed angrily at it. He had been so engrossed in his thoughts about her that he didn't even hear her approach the Mako and he didn't see her peering around the back bumper at him.

"You okay?" She asked, stepping beside him and taking a seat at his right. "Your eyes were all glassed over and you were spacing out."

Garrus felt the skin in his neck heating with rushed blood flow to his face.

"I uh… I was just lost in… thoughts…" He said, truthfully.

_Enticing thoughts about my commanding officer… what healthy behavior. I don't know what's worse… Tali insisting that I have feelings for Shepard or the idea that she might actually be right. I'd never hear the end of it… not like I'm hearing the end of it now though… Damn it, that smell again! Why does she always smell like the ocean! Why does she have to sit so close to me?_

"I had fun the other night, watching vids with you. I was wondering if you wanted to make it a ritual thing." Said Shepard, staring off and not even seeming to notice how uncomfortable Garrus was at the moment. "Like… every time we have a long wait for a destination but not long enough for sleeping we can watch some more of those old cop shows."

"Sure. I'd like that… " Said Garrus, his thoughts now turning to how entertained he was by those vids. He loved how the actors could easily communicate their feelings so dramatically with simple facial expressions. He noted that many times the male lead of the show would stand so stoically and with a single facial expression he was able to convey hurt, loss, shock, and sorrow without uttering a word, something Turians could never do. He had always thought that the easy-to-read expressions on human faces were a weakness, until he felt his heartstrings tugged by those actors. He realized now that they were a gift, a way to communicate so much with so little. Body language was not foreign to Turians but it was much more difficult. Usually the only way they could convey feelings were through their eyes and subtle movements of their mandibles… This was another reason he admired Shepard. She could give him orders without saying a word and every expression on her face made him almost feel what she was feeling… she was always so vibrant and articulate… when she wanted to be, that is….

"Anyway..." Shepard continued. Garrus suddenly realized that he was staring at her creepily again; thankfully she didn't seem to notice "I came down to tell you we've located Dr. Saleon's ship."

Garrus's mind was pulled violently out of his thoughts of Shepard once again… this time banishing them.

"You mean…?"

"We're going to be there in fifteen minutes, so hurry up and get ready."

Garrus leapt to his feet. He knew this was coming but he could still scarcely believe it… Shepard was giving him a chance to correct his mistake: losing Saleon on the Citadel! He was going to finally stop that mad Salarian! He was going to finally make Saleon pay for all the horrible things he did to those poor test subjects of his!

The fifteen minutes seemed to fly by and before he knew it Garrus was standing in the airlock with Shepard and Tali as the doors opened into Dr. Saleon's ship, the MSV Fedele. From the outside the ship looked derelict. While they were pulling in, Garrus noted from the windows on the bridge that the ship clearly wasn't functioning as it was supposed to. Joker told them that the ship's engines weren't active and they were picking up little to no life signs from inside, despite the fact that the ships life support was still active. Garrus hoped that the little to no life signs meant that at least Saleon was still alive… or one of his victims was still alive… He didn't know which he hoped for more…

It was dark and a rush of cold air hit them when the doors opened, along with the unmistakable scent of decomp. The scent was heavy in the air. That wasn't a good sign, it meant numerous dead bodies. They hadn't even stepped out of the entryway of the ship when a dark figure lurched towards them, by the deep, gasping gagging sounds it was making Garrus knew it wasn't anything friendly. Shepard seemed to come to the same conclusion because before it could even come into visible range she shot at its leg, which fell away almost instantly with a sickening splat. It fell forward but continued to crawl towards them and moved into the light from the overhead windows. Whatever the thing was, it was human shaped and rotting from head to foot. Shepard then shot the head quickly and it exploded rather grotesquely, leaving the body motionless.

"What the fuck… I thought that crap only happened in horror movies!" Shepard said, indignantly. "Nothing in any stage of any kind of decomp should still be walking around like that!"

"Looks like Saleon is doing more than cloning Organs…" Garrus said, grimly.

"Well after seeing things like the husks and those creepers the Thorian sent after you… This doesn't seem as far-fetched as it would to others, Shepard." Tali added.

Suddenly the door to the main deck opened and they saw numerous more walking corpses trudging towards them through the storage boxes and canisters that littered the room.

"Crap…" Shepard grumbled. "Well lets go by standard zombie movie rules here… Don't let them bite you and shoot them in the head."

Garrus didn't have time to ask Shepard what she was talking about because the creatures suddenly broke into a run towards them. Garrus saw what looked like more rotted humans along with some Turians, Salarians, Asari and even a Batarian. They were all in heavy stages of decomposition and didn't put up much of a fight once their heads had been blown off. They made quick work of the squishy horde all the way through the ship up to the laboratory that was sealed off. Garrus could detect life signs via his visor coming from inside. That's where the Doctor was, He was positive. Sure enough, when he hacked through the lock and opened the door, there he stood. Garrus couldn't help but relish the sight of Saleon shaking in utter fear as they walked into the lab.

"Thank you! Thank you for saving me from those… things!" The Salarian squawked.

_Pffft! As if anyone would be fooled by that act!_

"Commander, that's him! That's Dr. Saleon." Said Garrus, pointing his pistol at him.

"What? My name is Heart! Dr. Heart! Please! Get me out of here!" Saleon sputtered, backing away from them slightly.

"Are you sure it's him?" Shepard asked, alternating her gaze between Garrus and Saleon.

Garrus looked down at her. He saw actual doubt etched on her face. He couldn't believe it… Dr. Saleon was lying right through his teeth… And Shepard was believing him? Who was she going to trust? The C-Sec officer who investigated this man? …or that lying, manipulative scumbag?"

"Positive." Garrus growled, he could feel his blood boiling. "There's no escape this time, Doctor. I'd harvest your organs first, but we don't have the time."

"You're crazy!" Saleon wailed. Garrus was getting tired of his charade as a victim. "He's crazy! Please, don't let him do this to me!"

"We'll take him in. Drop him off with the military." Said Shepard, lowering her gun.

Garrus could hardly believe Shepard was actually going to let Saleon live. Even after she heard and saw everything he did… She did believe his act! If she was sure this was Saleon she would want him dead as much as he did!

"But… We have him!" He sputtered, trying not to lose his temper with the Commander. "We can't let him get away..! Not again!"

"If he dies, we'll never know what he's been up to, or how he did it." Said Shepard, gesturing to one of the dead walking corpses out in the hall behind them. "We'll take him in, interrogate him, and he'll serve his time."

"I've- …" Garrus looked at the Commander's face and felt the rage inside him suddenly doused. Her expression wasn't anger, uncertainty, fear or anything negative at all. It was the expression she had when she was sure she was making the right decision, when she was being a leader and when she was, in fact, absolutely sure of something. "Okay. You're right…"

It was the expression that made him want to follow her so much. He envied her ability to be such a leader and make such decisions and her ability to always make the right ones, even in tight situations. He could never argue with that face because it made him reflect on her words and decisions and realize that she was right. Of course she was right, she was always right. She never let her emotions cloud her judgment; he wished he could do the same…

"You're a very lucky Salarian. You Owe the Commander your life." Garrus growled at Saleon, who reacted as he had expected.

"Oh. Thank you so VERY much!" Dr. Saleon snarled sarcastically.

The Salarian doctor grabbed a syringe off the table he was standing next to and charged at Shepard with the needle in one last desperate attempt at getting out of the ship alive and scot-free. He didn't even make three steps before Shepard Tali and Garrus all fired their guns simultaneously and the Salarian fell lifelessly to the floor with three shots in his head.

"And so he dies anyway… What was the point of that?" Garrus grumbled as Shepard moved into the lab to examine what Saleon had been up to.

"You can't predict how people will act, Garrus. But you can control how you'll respond." Said Shepard, looking back at him with that same calm, confident expression. "In the end, that's what really matters…"

"Yeah…" Garrus murmured watching her as she looked around. "I don't think I've ever met anyone like you, Commander."

His eyes met hers and she smiled a little. After a few minutes Shepard shook her head and headed back to them. Garrus suddenly noticed Tali was giggling quietly behind him. Rather than turn around and strangle her as he so dearly wished to do, he cleared his throat loudly and spoke over her snickering.

"Well, I guess we're done here."

"Yeah…" Said Shepard, folding her arms and frowning at the floor, deep in thought. "I can't understand all the scientific jargon Saleon has written in here…but from the looks of it he was up to some pretty nasty stuff… best not to disturb it and let the Alliance bring in someone who can take care of it."

"Right behind you, Commander." Said Garrus, nodding to her.

They walked back through the ship and boarded the Normandy without incident. Shepard radioed to the Alliance and then told Joker they needed to go back to the Citadel to resupply. They silently made their way down to the lower deck. Tali took the elevator down to the engine room where she liked to spend her time. Shepard went to the mess hall and started fixing herself something.

"You can seriously eat after what we just saw?" Garrus asked her, following her into the mess hall. "I don't think I'll be able to eat anything for days…"

"It's ginger tea." Shepard replied, placing a tiny bag in a cup and placing it under the hot water dispenser. "Ginger calms the stomach- er… human stomachs."

"I should have thought of something like that that…"

"mm…" Shepard murmured as she took the cup and sat at the table.

_Think of some conversation you dolt! Stop being so awkward around her!_

"Commander I… uh…"

Shepard looked up at him.

_Damn it those eyes are so beautiful… no wonder I've been acting like a fool since the day I met her… _

"What's on your mind, Garrus?"

_Ask her why she smells like the ocean!_

"It's Saren… I'm starting to wonder whether we'll ever find him…" He said, and then mentally kicked himself.

_Welp, you wussed out… might as well run with it…_

"He's always one step ahead of us… and he's got those damn Geth!"

Shepard took a sip of her "tea" (whatever the hell that was) and gave him a small, reassuring smile.

"We're getting close, Garrus. We'll find him."

Garrus sighed.

"I wish I had your confidence. I just can't stand the thought of him getting away with everything he's done…"

_Oh good, whining like a child about it… You'd better fix this train of thought before you get another lecture…_

"I know you're doing everything you can… and if anyone can catch him it's you but…"

_Knock it off with the brown-nosing and just let her know you still have her back no matter what!_

"If there's anything else I can do to help. _Anything._ Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it."

_Oh please let her not have taken that blabbering idiocy the wrong way… _

"I understand your concern, but we'll find him." Said Shepard, calmly, studying him with a soft expression on her face. "Just make sure you're ready to go when we do."

"Yes, Commander, You can count on me." Garrus looked down at his hands then sat across from Shepard at the table. He was immediately reminded of the night he woke her up from sleeping on this same table and laughed internally. "Thanks for hearing me out. I appreciate it."

Shepard nodded at him as she sipped her tea again. There was a bit of an awkward silence.

"Can I ask you something Commander?"

"Sure, Garrus."

_Why do you smell like the ocean?_

"Are you worried that the Council might be protecting Saren?"

_Damn it!... Just run with it again… coward._

"I mean, they were really dragging their heels before. What if we find him, bring him back to the citadel, and they refuse to act?"

"That doesn't sound like a question. Speak your mind, Garrus."

"Well, maybe we shouldn't give them that chance, Commander." Said Garrus. This was an issue that was bugging him, and what happened with Dr. Saleon only made him more apprehensive about it. "In my opinion, Saren's too dangerous to be kept alive. Too much could happen. He could escape or the Council might let him go…"

Shepard seemed to know what was coming, but she let him finish his thought none the less.

"If we find him- when we find him… I say we make sure we stop him. Permanently."

Shepard nodded.

"If Saren won't listen to reason, if he forces my hand, I'll kill him in a heartbeat." She replied. "But only if it's absolutely necessary."

Frustrated yet again, Garrus continued.

"-But what's the point in keeping him alive?" He pressed. "It just gives him an opportunity to escape or convince the Council to listen to him! …And what about the Geth? They might try to free him!"

Shepard wrinkled her brow slightly, staring at the surface of the table, deep in thought.

"We know more about Saren's plans than anyone, but what do we really know? If we just kill him, we lose the chance to find out." She finally said.

Garrus sighed and nodded.

"Yeah, I see your point. Do you really think there's more to know?" He asked. "…Other than the fact that he's a raving lunatic?"

Shepard's expression darkened. It made Garrus uneasy. Had he said something offensive? Did he really piss her off this time?

"Saren was a Spectre. He may have been an asshole to humans but at a much lower scale…he was sworn to protect the galaxy as I am…"

She looked up and locked eyes with Garrus. He saw a fire in them that had not seen before… was it rage? Determination? Whatever it was it made his insides go cold.

"Saren has to have some reason as to why he suddenly wants to help the Reapers return and wipe out all civilization in the galaxy." She continued. "No one goes from being a protector to dooming an entire galaxy without a damn good reason… and I'm going to get that reason out of him."

She stood up without another word and took her cup of tea to her quarters. Garrus watched her leave and felt a chill down his spine. Obviously he had touched some nerve… she had been obsessing over it… losing sleep over it… Wondering how someone could just turn on everything they stood for like that… Damn, why did she have to make things so complicated? Garrus was perfectly content knowing he was the good guy chasing after Saren, the bad guy… But Shepard looked at it in a completely different way…

_ Next time just ask her why she smells like the ocean!_


End file.
